It doesn't seem possible that I am at that point. I have been having major de ja vue to last year at this time. Pregnancy after loss is tough no matter when it happens, but being on the same time line as I was exactly this time last year I think has added another level of difficulty to this rainbow pregnancy. I really don't know how to put it into words in a way that others can understand. Those who have been there, get it. Those who haven't, be thankful!
Coming up on my due date & Noah's 1st birthday & his death anniversary all at once sure makes for a kalidescope of emotions. There really is no way to prepare emotionally & mentally for the coming days. So just like I've done this last year, I just go with it as it comes and ask for those around me to grant me compassion, understanding & support. I have noticed some of my friends have been sending little notes or messages lately & that means so much right now!!
I admit I am really hoping to have this baby early, like yesterday! But reality is, knowing my history of having babies who like to be well over-done, I could be looking at another 4wks of pregnancy if I go my typical super-late. I wanted this baby to be in our arms as we celebrate Noah's 1st birthday and reflect on his heavenly birthday. But just like I've learned this last year, it's all out of my hands. Not my timing but God's & I just have to trust he will allow this baby to make his/her entrance at just the right time.
In the mean time, I am trying to just keep busy. Well, as busy as my 38wk pregnant body allows! I've gotten some projects done around the house that have been ignored for a long time. My garden is doing really well & we've been picking stuff from it for awhile now for freezing, canning & just plain ole eating. I've been scoring some ebay deals for our homeschool curriculum & just working on getting organized for our coming school year. Which speaking of, it just dawned on me the other day, that this is the last year for my twins in elementary school as they are going into 6th grade!!! WOW, I'll have middle schoolers in a year! It doesn't seem possible as *I* was just that age not that long ago! lol
"Do unto other as you would have them do unto you."
Most often quoted, least often practiced.