SO far from the truth!
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Noah is just as much a part of our every day life as my other kiddos. We still parent him, just in a different way from the others. You ask any other baby loss mom (BLM) and they will tell you the same thing. I think those who haven't lost a child or even a spouse have no idea the impact grief has on your life forever.
Just to give you a glimpse of what I mean, let me share with you some of the recent ways Noah has been a part of our every day happenings.
We were shopping earlier this week, and we ended up in the baby department to look at something for Olivia. Out of the blue, Susan asked "Mom, what size clothes would Noah be in right now?"
Caught me a little off guard yet at the same time, I was happy she asked. I told her since he probably would be tiny like the rest of them, that even though he is 21 months old (already! *sigh*) he would most likely be wearing 12 months size. And as I answered her, I headed over to the infant boys rack and picked out an adorable boys outfit and held it up. At this point, the other kids had heard the conversation and came over and were "awwwing" over the outfit and in sad tones said it's just so hard to believe.
Yes, yes it is. We have an obvious void in our family that will never ever go away. Noah's presence is always right there, no matter what we are doing.
Just the other day, I stopped at a yard sale. I was browsing around and ended up finding a cute dress for Olivia.
It's hard to tell in this pic but the dress is light lavender and white tiny checkers. Has a matching diaper cover too.
As I continued to look around, my eyes were instantly drawn to a children's book called "Rainy Day Games, Fun with the Animals of Noah's Ark".
I paged through the book briefly and in just a few pages in I knew I was buying this book for Noah....for the other kids. See, we still buy things on occasion that remind us of Noah. Things that match the nursery. Things that keep his memory alive. Things that include him as part of the family, which he still is even though he lives somewhere else. We will be able to read this book to Olivia and feel like we are including Noah.
I continue to appreciate the many of you who also remember Noah along with us, from trinkets you give us with Noah's name on it, to 6 of any item (flowers, valentines, etc) to include all of our kids, to just saying his name in conversation or writing his name in a card, etc. You have no idea how much that means to all of us!
I just read another blog post along those lines. It's been 4 years since their daughter died yet people continue to still remember her, what a blessing!
"Our friends and family tell us how hard the first year will be, but often never realize how hard it is to face the second year. It is often socially unacceptable to talk about how the second year is a killer because this is when you realize that EVERY year for the rest of your life will be like this."
The above quote is taken from here. I wanted to share this as this post may be a reference to many of my fellow BLM's. (as well as possible info for those supporting a BLM). She gives a creative prompt for helping to be honest about where you are in your grief journey right now and an artist way to express it. I have to say it saddens me the taboo there is surrounding talking about your child that has died and the grief that is a part of your life. I know I myself have experienced this and truly hope to help change this.
"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."