20wk ultrasound

Today finally arrived. We had made this appointment 8wks ago and it was hard to believe it was finally here. Of course, it would figure that we've been dealing with sick kiddos for the last week so I was worried I'd have to go alone. Not to mention, the kids all really needed to go to this appointment for their own sake as they have been worried about the baby. Last night 3 of them just were not good at all. Thankfully this morning God gave them the energy to be able to go (though one of them crashed in bed as soon as we came home and another laid down a bit after that). I'm sure their brief burst of energy was due to many of you praying they'd have the strength to attend!

We had an audiologist appt to get one of the twins hearing aids fixed as it's in the building right next door to my appt. After that was done, we headed over to Maternal Fetal Medicine. I am thankful Kevin was able to take some time off work to be with us. The same gal who did all our ultrasounds with Noah was going to be doing this one, so I was thankful for that. I admit I didn't really eat breakfast this morning. I was too nervous to and honestly felt like I could puke.

It is still hard for me to walk into this office. It's only been 9 months since I was first here for that visit that forever changed our lives. The day we were told our son had a condition "incompatible with life" and was going to die. So you can imagine the anxiety I had sitting here. Our sonographer said she wanted to capture the ultrasound on DVD for us, so we were waiting for that specific room to open up. It's the same room we had all our scans with Noah done.

When she first started to look at the baby, we saw right away the baby had his/her one hand by their face. The same way baby was at 11wks.....and the same way Noah was always positioned! I was thankful as she did the detailed look at each part of the baby, she told us what she was seeing in terms if things looked ok or not. Usually they don't say anything and let the doctor look at the results and they are the ones to tell you. All the physical anomalies Noah had she checked out on this baby, in addition to a lot of other things. She said everything looked as it should anatomically. The baby is also measuring correctly with my due date.

The doctor then came in and did a quick scan herself of the baby. Again we were told that everything looks good physically but that obviously we can't get 100% guarantee unless we were to do an amniocentesis, which they would gladly do if we wanted it. We are holding off as they aren't seeing anything that would raise a red flag at this point. They said they do want to monitor the baby and are having me come back in 6wks to do another ultrasound. So just like we've been doing, we will just continue to take it one day at a time. If something comes up, we'll look into further testing. But as of today, the baby looks good and we are thankful for that. Right after this appointment I had one with the OB. She again reiterated what the specialist said and said they will just continue to monitor us & that I will return to them in 4wks.

I know the statement has been made to us that I'm sure we'll just feel so much better after this ultrasound and will be able to relax now. Honestly, not really. While we are able to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that physically the doctor said baby looks good, we still know everything is out of our hands & many things could still happen. Not that we are focusing on the negative, but after you've been through something like we did with losing Noah, you realize just how real the possibilities are that things CAN happen. We don't have the mindset of "oh that will never happen to me", because it did. We don't take for granted each day that I carry this baby alive because we know that it's a gift that can be gone in the blink of an eye. I think we won't be able to finally relax a bit until this baby is born.

It's been said to me that no matter when you get pregnant again after losing a baby, whether it's a few months or a few years later, there are a lot of emotions that go along with it. And we are experiancing that as well. I can't even begin to try and put it into words. I just ask for sensitivity & compassion from others regarding it. I know I've been asked if we've picked out names or how excited we must be about this new baby. And I really don't give much of an answer because I don't know what to say. I guess in some ways we're scared to plan ahead too much for fear something could happen. Because last time we planned so much for Noah and all those dreams were shattered.

Pregnancy after losing a child is far different than pregnancy where that never happened. Don't get me wrong, we are thankful & excited for being blessed with this precious life. But this baby in no way lessens our grieving for Noah nor does this baby replace Noah in any way! I think a lot of people thought when I announced we were expecting, that we'd all feel a lot better or be back to our old selves. But it just doesn't work like that. In same sense, I think our grieving is interpreted as we aren't excited for this baby. Like I said it's just a mix of emotions, and very hard to try to explain. We're still just trying to process a lot. But I'm told from others who have been in my shoes, that it's completely normal what we're experiancing and how we are acting.

I am so thankful for the outpouring of encouraging notes and prayers that upheld us for this appointment! We definitely felt them and are very appreciative of the continued support from so many of you. We just can't do this on our own. I know I don't always get the chance to thank each of you personally, but please know the prayers, the random texts/messages/cards to check on us or to encourage us, & phone calls mean a lot! They always come at a time when I need it the most. Even the other, week a friend called me out of the blue to bring the kids & I lunch & kept us company for the afternoon on a day when God knew that was something I desperately needed. A meal was brought to us last week on a day that happened to be we needed the extra help due to a lot of circumstances. Thank you all for following God's prompting when He leads you to do things for others.

And now for the pictures of our 6th child from today. WOW....I am a mom to SIX kids!!!!!! Thank you Lord!!!

Here is the wee-ones profile......
Here is a pic of the one leg bent up along with the foot at the top right hand area...

And here is a cool 3D video of baby moving it's little arm around waving. You can see the face, eyes, mouth, nose & an ear as well.....


  1. Oh Baby! What a sweetie, I cant wait to find out if its a boy or girl... We are so excited for you, mother of 6! raymie

  2. Thanks for the post and I'm SO excited to meet him/her! Love you girl and I can't wait till Friday!

  3. Loved seeing the pictures of baby # 6, we are anxious to meet him/her ;)
    We rejoice with you that everything looks well and we also continue to understand your deep pain in regards to precious Noah. Love ya!

  4. Yeah for everything looking good!

    I bet Noah is just jumping around excited to have a baby sis/bro!!!

  5. Can't imagine your mixed emotions. I got pregnant with my eldest not long after a miscarriage. I thought I grieved that well...until I started writing the blog post I plan to share tonight and now I wonder "what"if. What would "she" be like? Also, my son was not diagnosed with his heart defect till a week before he was born so it is probably best to know that anything can happen because it can. I was going along thinking all was well and then got that news right before his birth.


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