My Heart Hurts

It's been a crazy last few days. So it goes. We just packed up a box for Operation Christmas Child. We started participating in this charity after Noah died, figuring since we can't give him gifts, we can bless a boy his age with some gifts. That's what makes it bittersweet. We LOVE being able to shop & pick out special things for a child Noah's age.

But as we put everything into a box tonight and wrote a Christmas card to this unknown boy & took a picture for him, it all hits me. I should be anticipating buying gifts for my 3 year old.

I just can't stop crying.

I am missing Noah SO MUCH!!!!

This just sucks. It's an ache that is just indescribable.  One that is always there under the surface and sometimes things like packing this box just knocks the wind out of me.

While I am thankful we can bring a smile to the face of a sweet little boy in a far away country, I still wish I had my son here to wrap gifts for. I still at times question God and ask WHY did he feel the need to take my son Home so soon.

It truly isn't fair. So  many people take their children for granted and here I am longing & aching for my sweet Noah. A piece of me that will always be missing with every breath I take.

Dear Jesus, take this box of gifts and use it to bless a precious boy in memory of Noah. I pray this boy knows how much he is loved and knows we are praying for him!!!