Here's looking at you 2012!

It's truly hard to believe 2012 is coming to an end. If I was to be honest, the last almost 3 years have been a blur. Life as I know it changed and will always be known as before Noah & after Noah. How can't it be? When you've been through a major life altering event, you are forever changed from that moment on. This year continued to challenge me in figuring out my new normal since my son died. I admit, each year that passes that takes me farther from when I last held my son is tough. Though I try to remind myself each passing year brings me closer to the time I can hold him again. I am still so thankful for those who continue to walk with us during this journey & remember Noah and acknowledge my tough days I still have. You my dear friends are priceless and I know you have a special blessing awaiting you in  your Heavenly home for obeying the Biblical commands we've been given.

I don't even know where to start summarizing our year. We started out in a really rough place when Kevin suffered a severe head injury at the hands of medical staff after he was supposed to just be having a typical routine exam (that didn't involve his head). This left him off work for over 2 months, he lost all vacation time for this year (through no fault of his own, his work took it away sadly) and we still are dealing with many repercussions from this still today.

We were blessed in the ways God provided during that time. Once again we were reminded that He is all we need to meet our needs & the only One who can truly be there for us. And despite Kevin losing all his vacation time, we were so fortunate to be able to take some much needed vacations this year with friends and one of my brothers family due to some amazing deals we were given. I think God knew we need a lot of time away together as a family after all we've been through, as this was a rarity.

St Maarten (one of the islands we visited during our cruise)

Crabbing at the beach house

Surprised the kids with a trip to Disney. They had NO clue until we were at the airport. They were given many surprises that week! (note the number of hats as one of them lol, click to enlarge pic)

We've enjoyed watching our rainbow baby blossom into such a sweet toddler this year. We were thankful to be able to celebrate her 1st birthday as well as Noah's 2nd birthday which were both on the same day, surrounded by many dear friends. We also did a neat lantern release as well.

We continue to enjoy our homeschooling journey. I can hardly believe this year I have 7th graders (our 8th year of homeschooling). I've branched out and this past summer started doing some curriculum reviews which has helped stretched us in learning of new products and being able to help others with figuring out products that work for their family. I truly enjoy having my kids at home with me. Sure, I have my moments like any other parent & seek out a few moments of alone time when I can, but I can't imagine not spending this valuable time with them. We only get one chance to raise our children & while I am far from perfect and fail, often having to ask my kids for forgiveness, these have been some of the best years. I love learning along side of them, seeing their faces glow as knowledge clicks and just being able to share intimately in ALL of life's ups and downs. We are a closer family for sure from being able to do life together completely the way we do.

Another challenge we faced this year was when Susan dislocated her knee. Oh my, the poor girl was on crutches for many long weeks then faced almost 5 months of physical therapy (which was twice a week, talk about time consuming!) She has to wear braces on both her knees for any type of physical activity or anytime she plays outside. Turns out she was born with loose ligaments and will someday need surgery to fix her knees. We also recently learned she has a deficiency in growth hormone & we are having to see several specialists asap at major children's hospitals. This cold weather has also challenged her asthma and adding more more specialists for her to see. We continue to remind her there is a purpose in all this and God created her to be just how she is no matter how tough things can be at times.

Despite our repeated ups and downs this year, we know we are still blessed. Although God continues to grow & stretch us, we continue thank Him for our 6 precious kiddos (and our soon-to-be-7th blessing). We are reminded that we aren't guaranteed each day & we strive to treasure each moment we have together.

I've been thinking on what word could I embrace going into this next year. Many crossed my mind but one that keeps coming back to me is HOPE. As I continue to face these tough challenges, I am reminded I still have hope no matter how bleak things may look at times.

 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope

Jeremiah 29:11

  So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Romans 12:12

A book I recently started reading is Heaven by Randy Alcorn. What an awesome book! This has helped remind of why I am living today and what I have to look forward to (and gives me a glimpse into what Noah is already experiencing.) The HOPE I have in Jesus!

Wishing you a blessed New Year!!

From life's first cry to final breath

The other day, one of my facebook friends shared a song that I hadn't heard in a few months. I heard & sang this song prior to having Noah but the words didn't impact me the way they did until after he died. I remember listening to this in the months after Noah died and hearing the lyrics gave me chills, in a good way, and still does. I was even brought to tears earlier when my kids played it again yesterday.

Losing someone close to you like a spouse or child completely changes your life forever. In the beginning, the change was suffocating, making it almost impossible to continue living. 2 years out now, which I can hardly believe it's been that long, I can view Noah's death as something more than just an awful thing that happened to us. There are many ways Noah's life changed me for the good. One of the ways is that his death has propelled me to want to live with more of a Heaven mindset. After all, I am only briefly passing through life here on earth on my way to my home in Heaven, so I desire to live more focused on what truly matters in the end. Colossians 3:2 "Set your mind on things above, not on earthly things."

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

These are some of the lyrics that stand out to me in this song (though honestly the entire song lyrics are amazing). It truly is only by the power of Christ that I am still standing today after Noah died. We witnessed Noah's first glorious cry as he was born and we watched him take his final breath in our arms 9 hours later. Even though Noah's life was way too brief in my finite, human mind, I am realizing that God accomplished His purpose with Noah and called him Home. What Noah's exact purpose was, I will finally fully know in Heaven. I have only been given a glimpse into the lives he continues to reach & touch. Which honestly blows me away some days by the messages & emails I continue to receive. It truly humbles me knowing how far reaching his story has gone.

I continue to be challenged by my son's life to make each day count. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Each day that I am given new mercies and breath for yet another day, I remember my precious son and strive to do my best to make an eternal difference in how I live. What are you doing today to count for eternity? Hug your loved ones extra tight, spend a few extra minutes with them & realize they are the only treasure you get to take with you to Heaven. Not sure where you may end up after you die, please feel free to email me and I'd be glad to chat with you or answer any questions. 

In Christ alone, my hope is found


He is my light, my strength, my song


This cornerstone, this solid ground


Firm through the fiercest drought and storm


What heights of love, what depths of peace


When fears are stilled, when strivings cease


My comforter, my all-in-all


Here in the love of Christ I stand

There in the ground His body lay


Light of the world by darkness slain


Then bursting forth in glorious day


Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory


Sin's curse has lost its grip on me


For I am His and He is mine


Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death


This is the power of Christ in me


From life's first cry to final breath


Jesus commands my destiny


No power of hell, no scheme of man


Can ever pluck me from His hand


Till He returns or calls me home


Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Till He returns or calls me home


Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Linking up with:
A Holy Experience
Still Standing
The Better Mom
Welcome Home

Scripture to cling to

This scripture is one I have desperately clung to the last year and a half. I praise God for His hope and promise. I still don't understand why he has chosen the path for me that he has by taking one of my children home to Heaven, but I am fully trusting Him. I KNOW he has a great purpose for Noah's life and I am so humbled & blessed to be a part of His plan. No, I admit this is not a path I would've chosen for my life. But I trust God to work everything out to His plan and I cling to the promise of Heaven and being fully reunited with Noah! THAT my friends is what makes my pain bearable....my son is with our precious Savior just waiting for us to join him in a glorious reunion!