We took some much needed family time and went to the beach for the week (Aug 8-15). It was really good to get away from it all for awhile. While I don't want to leave the house and go to familiar places right now, I did find myself feeling ok to be at the beach. It was good to see the kids laughing and enjoying themselves and it felt good myself to be able to laugh for a change. We spent many hours laying out on the beach, the kids playing while I sat there getting lost in reading.

When Noah's 1 month birthday came, I found myself feeling a bit down, despite being on vacation. I had been doing really well all week until that point. And as the time came closer to going home, I noticed feelings of anxiety creeping back. I try so hard not to let that happen, but it still does no matter what I do.

So the last few days have been spent trying to once again get back into reality, which I admit, is difficult. I am thankful to have many wonderful women placed into my life (both real life friends and online friends) who have gone down this road before me and who have been walking alongside of me, holding me up. It means a lot to be told that what I am feeling and how I'm reacting is normal and ok. Because when your in the midst of it all, it's hard to know which way is up at times as these feelings can completely overwhelm you.

I also want to thank the groups of women who have went out of their way to help keep Noah's memory alive. My homeschool co-op gave us a rose bush, a beautiful memorial plaque & gift card for us to make a memorial garden in Noah's honor. I will post pictures when I get things planted. My Junebug moms blessed us with buying a star in Noah's name* as well as a little gold childs ring I wear around my neck along with a birth stone pendant another friend gave me. It means SO much to us that others are remembering Noah's precious life!!!!

I was going through some of Noah's things today just wanting to feel close to him, and I came across the poem read during Noah's memorial service:

Your heart has been broken, I can see from up here
As you struggle along and wipe every tear.
If I only had words I could send you today
That would tell you I'm home and I'm really okay.

Heaven is beautiful with sparkles and white wings,
And the angels are teaching me so many things.
I'll grow and mature in this heavenly land
While holding on tightly to my Father's soft hand.

Then one day you'll join me in this home in the skies.
Our joy will be full with no more goodbye's.
So don't grieve for me now but find peace in your soul,
And know that God has finally made your little one whole.

Now, even if you can't seem to understand why,
Please know in your heart that our love didn't die.
He tells me that just for a time we must wait
And then I can meet you at Heaven's front gate.

*the star Noah Alexander Porsche can be found at 19h 36m 51s +50 13' 29" in the constellatiom Cygnus. You can also go to http://earth.google.com/sky and put in his star address to view it that way.

1 comment

  1. How very thoughtful of everyone. I have been praying for you! <3 <3


I enjoy hearing from each & every one of you! Thanks for taking the time to comment. :)