Noah's headstone

A few weeks ago, I briefly made mention of a phone call I received but I wasn't in a place to elaborate on it at that moment. A few days before Noah's birthday, I received the call that his headstone was not only done but put in place. As soon as I heard the gal's voice on the phone, I knew why she was calling & I just lost it. This is not something any parent ever envisions doing for their child. I should've been wrapping gifts for his 2nd birthday, not thinking about a headstone.

I am thankful for the fact Noah finally has his headstone in place but knowing it was actually done was just another painful reminder of the finality of it all. This was the last "big" thing we were able to do for him and it took all this time to reach the place where we finally felt we could take this step. And let me tell you it was SO hard to do. A headstone is so permanent (and expensive) so we wanted to make sure we put a lot of thought into what we wanted for Noah. After all, this is going to be here for the rest of our lives and for generations to come. We wanted his stone to convey to others just how much he is cherished & loved.

Because "Noah's ark" is a huge theme with Noah (because of his name, meaning & our journey), we wanted to have it etched on his stone. Unfortunately, they only had the typical lambs & teddy bears in their book. We didn't want a generic etching. So we shared with them our idea of a Noah's ark. They told us to find them a picture and they will see what they can do. After much researching online, I found a picture. They said they think they could make it work.

After I got the call about the stone, I went out early the next morning alone to see the stone myself. I felt that I needed this time alone to process it all. I decided to have "breakfast" with my sweet son so I took some greek yogurt & picked up an iced coffee.

When I pulled into the upper parking lot at church, I could see the back of the stone & my eyes just teared up. As I walked down to his grave, I started crying. When I finally saw the front of his headstone, I just wept. It was so incredibly beautiful but oh the pain of seeing my sons name in took my breath away and reminded me that my son is dead & not in my arms. Yes, he is alive in Heaven Praise God, but his physical body lay just feet beneath where I sat. It still seems surreal and I can't believe all we have gone through these last 2 years. It truly is only by the grace of God I am still standing here today after living my worst nightmare.

I spent some much needed quiet time with Noah just thinking things over & praying. I am thankful for how well his headstone came out as I know how much we will appreciate seeing it in the years to come as we spend time out there with him. If it weren't for my parents, Doug & Deb, helping us out, we wouldn't have been able to get Noah's stone at this point in time. At least, not the stone we had wanted for him. I am thankful he has grandparents who remember & love him so much!!

On the anniversary of his death (July 14th), we went out as a family to have a "Noah day". We wanted to have a picnic with him but they were calling for storms so we picked up sundae's for the kids instead. So we took that, a blanket to chill out on & a balloon for him. The kids had no idea his stone was done so that was a huge surprise for them.

Erik brought along his recorder and played some songs for Noah and he brought a little toy car he got for him as well that we left on his grave. We hung out there for awhile just talking about him and spending time together. We also walked around and honored each of the other babies who are buried in our church cemetery. There aren't many graves there and surprisingly there are 5 babies there which is just so sad. Burying babies goes against the way life is intended to go.

I am thankful we have a place to go and spend time with Noah. In fact yesterday evening I was going past & wasn't intending to stop, but I felt the overwhelming need to spend a few minutes in tears (ok I ended up sobbing) so Olivia & I visited Noah for a few minutes. That time we spent together was precious, there are no words to describe it.

The pain is still so real & difficult at times and I imagine it always will be but that is the cost of selfless love. And I wouldn't trade my experience with Noah for the world! He has been worth every tear & every sleepless night. The joy he has brought us and all he has taught us & continues to is just beyond amazing! I'm so blessed to have been given my precious Noah Alexander!!

Yes, our last name is written under his first/middle name but due to this being a public blog & for safety reasons, I edited it off.
I LOVE how his etched picture came out!!!

My 6 amazing kids on July 14th, 2012

Here's the link the lantern release we did the evening of the 14th in Noah's memory & in honor of 91 other babies.


  1. I love it, Jenn. It's absolutely perfect and beautiful.
    I love the "simplicity" (for lack of a better word) of the phrase "Forever Loved, Forever Missed."
    The etched photo is perfect and the ark is great too. It came out just great.
    I completely understand what you mean about the finality of it all too. :( Hugs to you!

  2. Just...beautiful.
    Thank you for sharing it with us.

  3. Oh Jenn my heart is breaking for you. I called the monument company yesterday who is completing Jake's headstone and was surprised to hear that it would be done by the middle of next week. I'm not sure I'm ready for that major finality. I've been looking for flowers to put in his vases, but like you said no parent should have to do this. I love Noah's ark on his headstone. I know that everyone for generations to come will know how very much Noah is loved.

    Big hugs!

  4. It is so lovely, and the photo of all of your children is too. So nice to include Noah.


  5. How I love your perspective, I would not trade my Jonathan either. The headstone is truly beautiful, love the picture of him on it!


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