Thank you for the many thoughts and prayers on Monday. It was a difficult day. I took a prescription sleep med the night before in hopes of being able to sleep. I still only managed to get about 4hrs of sleep. On the drive to co-op, my stomach was a mess. I thought a few times I was going to have to pull over to get sick.

Once I got there, my friend Sharon met me outside to walk in with me and help me with the kids. As soon as I stepped in the door, I had tears in my eyes. It seemed like just yesterday I was here, waddling down the halls with Noah in utero. I ended up in the bathroom trying to gather myself together before going back out to face everyone.

The women in my co-op are all amazing. I was so glad I felt "safe" to just be myself and let the tears and emotions come. Several came up to me just to hug me and offer me words of encouragement which really meant a lot. Yes, normally it meant I would start crying, but that was ok. I would rather have that happen than to be avoided and not talked to.

Lunch time was really overwhelming for me with all the people in the cafe area & I had to walk out leaving Sharon in charge of my kids. From there, things just went downhill. I think the days of anxiety leading up to co-op, being out around a lot of people for the first time, etc, just finally came to a head and I lost it and really started sobbing. Once again my friends came along side of me to help me through my afternoon. One friend brought me lunch, another made sure I ate as I hadn't eaten yet that day, etc.

I knew I had to teach my 5th period class and wasn't sure at that point how I was going to manage after my breakdown. But once I stepped foot into my class, I felt lifted by the many prayers and not only was I able to gather myself to teach, but I also had fun with them.

Once we got home from co-op, I could tell I was just so exhausted. Physically, mentally & emotionally just drained. I was told that these "firsts" I will go through in the coming months will be hard and do that to a person. It just downright sucks. And there is simply no way to explain it. Unless you've been there, you just can't even fathom. For me, after such a "down day", it usually takes a couple of days to recover from.

I'm hoping each week at co-op, it gets a little easier for me. But my dear co-op friends, bear with me. I may be laughing one minute & sobbing the next. It's just how my life has been the last 2 months and probably will be for a long time.

The rest of the week has been pretty busy between homeschooling, babysitting (I watch a 3 month old & 15 month old siblings full-time), 5 hrs of therapy for the twins (they are hard of hearing & wear hearing aids) and preparing for my bike race that is tomorrow. I guess at this point there isn't a whole lot of prepping to do for the race other than to make sure my gear & bike are in order. I also have to pack up for the weekend since it's out of state (finish line is in Lewes, DE).

I will be up & on the road early tomorrow morning to head to the starting point. Please keep me in your prayers for safety as I will be biking 75 miles (and pray for good health throughout the ride as well!) The weather forecast looks beautiful for the race. I look forward to riding this in memory of Noah and the many miles we biked together!!!!


  1. I hope the ride went well yesterday! I thought about you a couple of different times throughout the day. You had a beautiful day for to ride in memory of Noah!


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