It's been a blah of a week so far. Tonight is the local parade and start of fair week. I just couldn't bring myself to go. For starters, I don't do well in crowds of happy people especially when I'm in a funk like I am. Tried to go out to eat last week, yeah, that didn't go well at all. Also, I knew I would see tons of people I know and I am not up for that yet. I still have stayed pretty sheltered because I just can't handle being around a lot of people yet.

Kevin took the kids. I felt bad not going but I know it was best for everyone if I didn't go. Hopefully they had a good time! We have a tradition every year of getting the family bucket of ping pong balls to try and win fish. So I guess we'll see if they got any this year.

With everyone gone, I did a little cleaning but also sat down to watch Noah's video again. Of course, it made me bawl my eyes out. It all seems like such a dream, but as I watched the video I can still vividly recall every second I had with Noah. I am thankful for my insomnia that kept me awake for every second of his life, especially considering I had barely slept in days due to a long labor. I walk into his nursery I had prepared, and I can still smell him. Even though he never got to come home, I placed all his things in there that he wore and his 3D foot molds & handprints and I keep the door closed. I go in there many times just to step in the door, look around and take a deep breath inhaling his scent. I miss my son terribly! There are just no words to express the void I feel.


  1. hugs to YOU! Tomorrow is almost here!!

  2. I watched Noah's video again tonight too. I watched it with my daughter and we talked about you. We're praying for you. Hang in there, and remember the Footprints poem. He is carrying you, holding you, loving you.

  3. For you...

    Lying in a windswept field
    a stone tells little
    of the one lying there.
    little of the heartache
    the hole left in a family
    the gaping emptiness
    brought only by death.

    years will pass, and some forget
    the short lived life
    of our precious Noah
    but those of us who loved him
    who ever hold on to the memories,
    the all too short moments
    given us by God
    will never forget...

    The ache will always be carried
    in the hearts of those who loved
    of those who dared to hope,
    and dream, and pray
    for the little one
    conceived in love, born in love
    and lost, with grief untold.

    We will love you forever
    our Noah dear,
    forever in our hearts.
    With tears we speak of you
    with love we remember
    with joy we realize we will meet...
    in the presence of the King!!

    (Glenda Hayman)


I enjoy hearing from each & every one of you! Thanks for taking the time to comment. :)