Treasuring Life's Blessings

It's been a blah of a week so far. Tonight is the local parade and start of fair week. I just couldn't bring myself to go. For starters, I don't do well in crowds of happy people especially when I'm in a funk like I am. Tried to go out to eat last week, yeah, that didn't go well at all. Also, I knew I would see tons of people I know and I am not up for that yet. I still have stayed pretty sheltered because I just can't handle being around a lot of people yet.

Kevin took the kids. I felt bad not going but I know it was best for everyone if I didn't go. Hopefully they had a good time! We have a tradition every year of getting the family bucket of ping pong balls to try and win fish. So I guess we'll see if they got any this year.

With everyone gone, I did a little cleaning but also sat down to watch Noah's video again. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrsNfihtRgQ Of course, it made me bawl my eyes out. It all seems like such a dream, but as I watched the video I can still vividly recall every second I had with Noah. I am thankful for my insomnia that kept me awake for every second of his life, especially considering I had barely slept in days due to a long labor. I walk into his nursery I had prepared, and I can still smell him. Even though he never got to come home, I placed all his things in there that he wore and his 3D foot molds & handprints and I keep the door closed. I go in there many times just to step in the door, look around and take a deep breath inhaling his scent. I miss my son terribly! There are just no words to express the void I feel.