Noah's 3 months old

Sunday night we put the kids to bed. Not long after Susan came upstairs bawling. She was crying so hard, it triggered her to really start coughing (she has a cold). She coughed so hard she threw up and ended up having to do a nebulizer treatment to help her breathing.

She was crying because of missing Noah.

We ended up pulling out the video of his birth and time afterwards. We listened to him cry and watched him move. Of course, this sent me into tears as well. While it's healing to watch our videos of Noah & look at his pictures, it also is painful as well and reminds us of what we are missing right now. He is 3 months old today.

This is how bedtime has been lately. Erik still has been sleeping in our room as he doesn't want to be alone because of missing Noah. Susan has wanted to watch Noah's videos. It's so hard seeing the kids struggle when all I want to do is take their pain away. On one hand I am thankful they are old enough that they will always remember Noah, but selfishly on the other hand, I wish they were younger that they didn't have to go through the pain of suffering like I am. It's hard enough dealing with my grief then adding their grief & trying to help them cope on top of it all, is tough.

Some days it's still one hour at a time, one day at a time.


  1. happy birthday Noah. we love you Porsche family. we continue to lift you up in prayer.

  2. It breaks my heart to hear about the pain you and your family are going through. Please know that you are all in my thoughts & prayers.

  3. we pray for you often. You come to mind often and are frequently in my thoughts and whispered prayers.


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