Today the kids aren't feeling too well. I guess I myself am not feeling too hot right now either after getting drenched last night helping out on a float for my husbands company. Yes, it downpoured and I was soaked to the bone. I guess it could've been worse, it wasn't snowing at least!!

The kids asked me this morning if I could make soup for supper. After searching through recipes, I realized I really didn't have ingrediants to make most of the soups they liked. I haven't truly gone grocery shopping since I was pregnant. Which was honestly the end of June. Kevin works at Shady Maple and has been there almost 20yrs. I used to work there before having kids and have occasionally gone and worked there throughout the years when help was needed. So everyone there is like extended family. And I am just not ready to face most people still. The comments, the questions, etc. Kevin brings home groceries as needed.

I know it's another hurdle I will need to face, but it's so hard putting myself in those situations knowing that I will subject myself to a lot of tough emotions thus bringing on difficult days after doing something like that. It really is emotionally draining. It's one of those things that I guess you could say I need the strength to be weak. And I'm just having a hard time with that. I still haven't gone back to Noah's grave since the day of his service. Because again, I know it's going to bring a lot of emotions to the surface that may cause some hard days to follow. UGH!!!

Just like trying to bring myself to go back to church. Kevin has taken the kids to Sunday School and this past Sunday, they stayed for the service. I myself haven't been to church since Noah's funeral and I know the first few times of going back will be difficult. And I can only do 1 thing at a time. It's been difficult enough just getting through our busy days of homeschooling, hard of hearing therapy, babysitting and just trying to keep the household running. But I know I need to try to face more hurdles of healing eventually.

I need to go spend time at Noah's grave.

Everytime I relive that moment there less than 3 months ago, it brings me to tears. His tiny white casket with the beautiful blue flowers on top, his little temporary grave marker with his name. Noah's 3 sisters and brother sitting there looking so sad and trying to comprehend what just happened to their baby brother. Such difficult memories. I guess that's why I haven't been able to go visit his grave. I miss him SO MUCH!!!! It's a hurt I can't put into words.

Just pray for me that I can make the trip there when the time is right. I know I'm going to struggle afterwards.

Back to where I started my story out about the kids wanting soup & I didn't have anything on hand to make it. Shortly after I realized I had nothing to make soup, I got a phone call from a friend who said she just made us a pot of soup & wanted to drop it off.

WOW!!! Talk about a much needed blessing!!

So not only did the kids get their much wanted chicken noodle soup, I also didn't have to try to figure out supper tonight. She even made brownies which the kids just loved! Thank you Dawn!!! You'll never know how much we needed that today!!!!

1 comment

I enjoy hearing from each & every one of you! Thanks for taking the time to comment. :)