An add-on to my friends blog today

A sweet friend of mine recently put a challenge out on her blog, asking what crazy calling has God called us to do in our lives. So I emailed her not figuring I really fell into the category of what she was asking but wanted to share with her anyway. Today, she ended up sharing some encouraging scripture & quotes as well as my email to her, found here .

I admit, reading it over, my thoughts were all over the place! I think in part due to I haven't been feeling well since I had that testing done (I have really felt loopy trying to get my sugars back to normal & probably should've waited to write more coherently). I just figured I'd add onto more of what I was saying to Lynnea.

Like I mentioned to her, I feel burdened for moms (and families) going through what we've gone through in getting a fatal prenatal diagnosis as well as losing a child. The OB practice I am with as well as the hospital I delivered at really lacked support for us which was disappointing. Especially after hearing how others experiances had been better in other hospitals, etc. Don't get me wrong, I liked my delivering hospital in the fact that it is small and we got more personal care (and I LOVED my OB who delivered Noah, she was amazing!)  My complaints aren't at all with general labor & delivery. The lack of support came to dealing with our special circumstances and grieving. Looking back I can see how some things should've been handled differently. I think since they are a smaller hospital, they don't have many infant deaths & therefore just lack the training on how to deal with those special families.

I have had several ideas rolling around in my head lately about just how could I use what we've been going through to help others, even with this hospital specifically. I also want to do something in Noah's memory for other families who have lost their precious babies. It's something I've been in prayer about and am just trying to see what & where exactly God's leading is in all this. Like I told her, for now, I use my blog to be as open & real as I can in a public setting (I'm always open to chatting more via email) as it's a way for me to put my thoughts down in attempts to try & process things as well as hopefully reaching out to others.

I also told her how God has been using Noah's life to strengthen our faith among other things. I should've also added that this last year has also been a lesson in total reliance on God. When everything fell apart in our lives, when we had no one else to turn to or rely on as we go through this journey of grief, we still had Jesus. It has been amazing when you let yourself completely fall onto Him, how he meets your needs as they come up. It is only through his strength & grace that I am here where I am right now. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go. We're only coming up on 10 months since Noah died, and I'm learning that grieving is a long process. 1 step forward, 2 steps back. But I know He's got plans for Noah's testimony & our lives & that gives us a sense of peace!

We had a lot of other bumps & hurts we've also experianced due to losing Noah. Some friends & family that we thought would be there for us for the long haul, weren't for example.  We are learning that when God brings you through a period of trial & suffering, he also changes a lot of other things in your life. Like with everything else, I've just learned to say "your will Lord, not mine". Again we've been reminded that no matter who may come & go in our lives, HE is still there!

On the flip side, all we've been going through has brought out a side of a lot of people in ways I wouldn't have expected. Support has been shown to us in many ways from people both near and far, in real life & online, often just at the right moment when it was needed the most. I am so thankful to the many people who have reached out of their comfort zones in order to say a prayer, give an encouraging word & just support us, especially long after the funeral as it's in those later months that are some of the tougher times. Galatians 6:2 "Share each others burdens and in this way obey the law of Christ."

One of the hardest things for all of us has been how life has gone on & back to normal for those around us while our life has been turned upsidedown & we are left alone to try and figure out our new "normal".  Some have expected us to be just like how we were before Noah died and I can tell you we will never be like the same. We are changed!!

Like Lynnea said, we want to take what God has done in our life and use it for HIS glory! God can take trials and tribulations and turn them into some amazing things.....as long as we put our faith in Him and allow Him to use our lives for whatever He sets before us.

Father, I want these whom you have given me to be with me where I am. Then they can see all the glory you gave me because you loved me even before the world began! ~John 17:24

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

What if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are your mercies in disguise

~Lyrics taken from "Blessings" by Laura Story

(I love this song Lynnea, thank you!!)

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~ 2 Cor 4:17-18

Linking up with Lynette & following her lead to be spontaneous & sharing in hopes of blessing someone out there!