Bittersweet

My first Mother's Day without Noah was hard. It was a day that had both smiles & tears. Those who have experianced deep grief, know that it's entirely possible to be both happy & sad all in the same breath as well as switching emotions at the drop of a dime. That's how I felt.

I know I was able to get through the day thanks to the support of so many of you! I know there were a lot of prayers going up on our behalf which I'm so grateful for. I also appreciated all the notes, messages, texts & cards I received as well. You may think they are insignificant but you have no idea how much they mean to me and are such an encouragement. Thank you!

I was actually able to go to church. I probably wouldn't have minded staying home to be honest but figured I'd see how it goes. We did skip Sunday school as I wasn't quite sure how I'd do trying to be able to talk to others. So since we didn't have to get up and going right away, I was able to lay in bed for a bit. As the kids each woke up, they all came up to wish me a happy mothers day. They each gave me the most sweetest card and a gift they picked out on their own. Their cards were so precious! The notes they wrote were amazing, & each of them included part of their card from Noah as well. I was smiling while the tears welled up. And the note I got from Noah was SO precious (found here ).

I am truly thankful it was sunny today! Had it been raining I know it would've affected my mood. I was doing well when we got to church. I knew baby dedication was going to take place & I figured I wouldn't be able to sit through that as we would've been up there this year with Noah. I quietly slipped out as that started and felt the tears start pouring out. I headed right outside to sit with Noah at his grave. It seemed to make the most sense to be with him during baby dedication. After church, we went out as a family to his grave & took a picture of me with all 6 kids. Bittersweet for sure.

After church, Kevin made me lunch. Overall it was a quiet day. I hadn't been feeling the greatest over the weekend due to this diet I've been having to follow in preparation for a test I had to do today. Most of my day yesterday was spent trying to make sure I ate everything I needed to (more on all this later).

I read something recently that was really neat. I was reminded that I sill parent Noah, just in a different way than I do my earthly kids.  I am parenting him in how I talk about him to his siblings & others, in how I love him & show my love for him to others and also in how I keep him & his memory/testimony alive. My son is still alive, he just has a different address than I do for now!

Here's a picture of me with my 6 precious kids on Mother's Day! ♥

I'm currently 30wks pregnant.