Capture Your Grief- Sunset

Sunset:

 To close this project and this month of Baby Loss Awareness I thought that we could all photograph the sunset from wherever we are in the world.

I saw this sunset from my back porch, barely peeking through the trees. I was in the middle of making supper, but I stopped what I was doing, grabbed my keys & camera and ran out the door with barely a word to the family. I knew I had just minutes to quickly drive around the corner to try and capture this magnificent sunset. This picture doesn't even do it justice. It was breathtaking. 

I sat in the middle of the quiet, abandoned road with my car in park as I tried to capture the beauty of God's hand-painted picture. As I sat there completely alone, I cried for all I was missing. 

My son. 

My Noah.

Oh how my heart still breaks in a million pieces even 3 years later. 3 long years. How can this possibly be? How am I still here, functioning?? I honestly have no idea. I don't know how I got to this point, still standing. Only by the grace of God is all I can figure out. That & a few caring people who have stuck by us.

I still have my days I can barely function. Oh, most wouldn't know anymore around me because I've gotten better at hiding it, or maybe they just don't want to recognize it anymore. It's easier for others to forget my son & my grief.  I think that's more what it is. People think after a few months you should be "all better". I won't ever be, not until the day I die. Blessed are those who realize this & still love me. Still stand by me. Those who ignore or forget my son intentionally, I have no words. I can't imagine treating others like I have been treated by you. May you never experience this gut wrenching ache.

This is a hard, lonely path as I've come to discover. But there have been amazing blessings along the way. Many of which I can't put into words. I've had some amazing people brought into my life because our heavenly babies brought us together. I've learned what true joy means & have a deeper appreciation of life. I've learned to ignore the petty things & embrace who & what truly matters. I have become a better mom to my living children.

All because of Noah.

My dear son, you have taught me a lifetime of lessons in your brief life. I still continue to learn and will until the day I see you again. I love & miss you more than you know!!!

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

Matthew 5:4