Hard to believe I am 25wks pregnant. I realize I don't talk a whole lot about my current pregnancy because honestly, it's hard. Where I am at now is pretty much where I was this time last year with Noah. So there are a lot of similarities that just make it more difficult than most pregnancies. And it's not just me experiancing the rollercoaster of emotions, but also Kevin & the kids as well. While there is definitely excitement about this little life bouncing around in me, there is also nervousness about all the unknowns. Even though this baby doesn't appear to have any of the physical differences Noah had, that still doesn't guarantee a healthy baby or a baby who will come home in our arms. There is still so much out there that could happen.

Some may say we are living in fear. After talking to Michele the other day, she made an excellant point. We are NOT living in fear, we are living in reality. If we had been living in fear, we would've said that's it, we are never going to allow God to bless us with more kids because of being scared something could happen again. Instead, we put our faith in Him and said whatever your will is with our children, we accept. I mean, how many of you when pregnant, ever thought you could have something happen to your baby? Sure, it may be a fleeting thought, but until you experiance your child taking his or her last breath in your arms, you really don't grasp just what *could* happen.

After losing a child, you realize just how real death is and how it CAN happen to you. You don't take for granted each little movement or each heartbeat your child has. Instead, you learn to be thankful for the here and now. Because that is all we are guaranteed. Our children are not ours but on loan to us for however long God allows them to be with us. We now know that any of our other children could be gone in the blink of an eye. While it's a scary thought, we know where our children will go if the unthinkable happens. Praise God we heard each of them accept Jesus as their Saviour!

So we continue each day of this pregnancy with many emotions. We are thankful yet cautious. We talk to this baby about his/her big brother Noah and what a testimony his life has been. We all lay our hands on my belly to feel this wee ones movement & hiccups & cherish what we feel because we know we can't take life for granted. It's honestly a crazy place to be right now. We are still grieving Noah & trying to make sure he is included in his younger siblings life, while trying to balance the emotions of a new baby. After talking to other moms who have had a baby after losing a child, we know we still have a long road ahead of us. More on that another time.

We continue to cling to the promise of the life verse that I claimed since I was in my young teens:  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaish 41:10.

~My ability to handle lifes storms rests upon my ability to give them to God~

1 comment

  1. I like how you compared fear to reality--wonderfully written. I also liked the last sentence in your post, so true, and yet at times so difficult to do.


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