Thank You!

A huge thank you to so many of you who celebrated Noah & Olivia's birthdays earlier this month with us. We really appreciated the messages, thoughts, and prayers. Not only do we celebrate both their birthdays on the 13th but we also remember Noah's home-going which was the 14th. July is a bittersweet month but knowing there are others walking alongside of us really helps!

We LOVED all the name photos many of you took the time to send us!! It was so neat to see all the creativity. Thank you again to each of you who took the time to spell Noah's name. If you didn't have a chance to write Noah's name, we welcome photos any time! It's always a blessing to unexpectedly receive a photo to add to his name album.

Be Still My Heart...

Let's face it, parenting can be such a hard, down-in-the-trenches job. Some days you wonder if you are really getting through to your child(ren). The work is hard, and not very often do you reap the benefits until years down the road.

But once in a while, I think God gives you just a brief glimpse into what is going on in the heart of your child as a way of reminding & encouraging you to know you are on the right path.

Tonight before we ate dinner, I asked my children who wants to say prayers. Out of the blue, my 2 year old raised her hand and said "I will". I was surprised but said ok.

She bowed her head & clasped her little hands together.

Quietly she said "Thank you Jesus.....for food....then she mumbled a few things I didn't catch....then said Amen". She was SO proud of herself and quite honestly, so was I!!! After all, we've been praying with her for over 2 years and this was the first time she attempted to pray publicly herself.

Fast forward to when I was cleaning up supper. I asked her if she got enough to eat.

She said "yes mom and it was good. Thank you mom for supper"!!!!!

*insert jaw drop*

I got down to her level and said thank you, I think I am gonna cry!

She said "do you need a bissue (tissue) mom"??

AHHHH she is such a sweetheart!!!

She can be such a stubborn little one at times but tonight....tonight was a glimpse of how God is shaping her precious, little heart!!!

Happy Birthday Noah & Olivia!

Hard to believe yet another July 13th is here! 3 years ago today, we were blessed with Noah's birth 9 days past his due date. Finally, our long awaited second son! Then just 1 year later, our precious rainbow baby decided to surprise us and was born early on Noah's 1st birthday. Such a special bond the 2 of these kiddos have with sharing a birthday, an intertwining of their lives that can only be God-ordained for reasons I'm sure we'll only start to see in the coming years.

What a privilege it's been to be the mom of these 2 amazing kids! It's a bittersweet time, celebrating them both while only one of them is here with us. I long to see the person who Noah would be today, his interests, his personality and his relationship with his siblings, especially with Olivia since they are so close in age. I've loved watching Olivia's spunky & comical personality emerge and look forward to seeing where God leads her in life!

Happy Birthday Noah & Olivia! You both are so very much loved & cherished!

These are the 2 cakes I made for their birthday. Olivia LOVES anything with Despicable Me and the minions. I like to think that her & Noah would've had their own little language between each other like these cute cartoon guys do.  They'd probably be devising silly things to do together like the minions do as well!

Reflecting on this date. . .

3 years ago tonight, I was in prodromal labor with Noah, knowing he wasn't going to live once I gave birth to him. I remember wishing sooo bad I could just stay pregnant with him forever if it meant he wouldn't die. I was dreading the Dr appointment the next day.

2 years ago tonight I had just gotten done picking green beans from my garden and making Noah's cake. I settled in for the evening with a feeling of dread as I was 9 months pregnant and anticipating Noah's 1st birthday, never imagining I'd go into labor early, that night in fact, just 1 year later with our rainbow baby. . .

Amazing the memories that the same date can hold.

*sigh* This is such a difficult time of year for us. Bittersweet is the only way I can think of to describe it. I've been struggling again as have the kids. It's so hard when they come to you in tears saying how much they miss their little brother. Yet at the same time, we are thankful for the chance to celebrate both Noah & Olivia's birth. Both such precious miracles!!!

The Cat Wrestler

Ever since Olivia could sit up, she began interacting with our animals. We have an AKC golden retriever and 3 cats (yes, they are all indoors). Olivia was about 6 months old when we adopted 2 of our cats as kittens from the humane league.

Anytime she would pet the animals, we always showed her how to be gentle and would remind her to give them "aye-aye". Of course, not long after, she started pointing to all the pets & petting them as she said "aye-aye".

Our one kitty, Domino, really took to Olivia, though all the animals are great with her. He has been her special buddy from early on.

In fact, she started not just cuddling with him but full on wrestling him!

And the crazy thing is he LIKES it and will seek her out, nudging her so she'll tackle him!

Domino could be walking around and she'll go running and pounce on him while he just lays there letting her climb all over. In fact, if these pictures had sound, you would hear him purring loudly in each of these as she sits on him. 

He really loves her and lets her do anything to him. He is definitely not your typical cat and truly one of a special kind whom we all adore.....

......And she loves her sweet "aye-aye" wrestling buddy!!!!

Our Precious Olivia

A few weeks ago, Olivia just blew me away with 2 adorable things she did. On a Monday while at our homeschool co-op, one of the moms wanted to hear her say Noah's name. So I asked Olivia to show her how she can say "Noah". She sweetly said his name and without missing a beat, right after saying it, she turned to me and grabbed his footprint necklace I wear and held it out and said "Noah" again!! She has NEVER intentionally put them together before!! I admit, later as I told Kevin this story, I ended up sobbing. There is just no way to describe how precious this was!

Noah's exact footprints shrunk down to fit my necklace

Ever since Olivia was only a few weeks old, she often would lock her eyes in on this necklace I wear, eventually smiling at it when she started smiling. Then as she got a little older, she would grasp it as she nursed. She's always seemed to have this connection to Noah, something that goes beyond my understanding. So when she nonchalantly grabbed Noah's necklace & said his name, I knew she for sure put it all together. She has also started recently pointing to his picture, while saying his name & motioning she wants to hold it. When we give her his picture, she leans in and kisses him. Oh be still my heart!!!! It's SO precious!!!

Olivia's hand by Noah's necklace at just a few months old.

The other sweet thing she did recently was during one evening as we were getting ready to eat supper. It was a laid back meal where we decided to all just crash in the living room and eat there together. I got her plate of food together and took her out to her little table. I went back to the kitchen & next thing I know she comes walking in, carrying her plate. She walked over to the table & tried to place her plate up at her seat. She then climbed onto her chair, held her hands out (we hold hands when we pray), then she took her one hand to cover her eyes as she hasn't mastered closing them on her own while we pray. She wanted to say prayers in her seat before we ate!!! You know you do things repeatedly in hopes of teaching your child but you aren't always sure when it clicks, well, she certainly understands that we hold hands to pray before eating!!

Some other cute things she's been doing lately:

-yells "moooooooom" when the older kids are trying to get her to stop something or they are annoying her. It's hilarious when she does it as it's something I expect my older kids to do, not her!! Thankfully she still calls me mama or mommy at times but still, hearing "mom" from my 1 year old makes her sound so much older.

-She loves playing Just Dance 3 on the Wii. She even can manage to score at times as well. She has always loved music and enjoys dancing to anything. Her favorite song on this game is "Wi Wi Wes" (aka Wild Wild West). So much so, she will bring the laptop to us & ask for us to play wi wi wes as she dances all around.

Olivia dancing to Wild Wild West

-She knows how to unlock our phones & the iPad, pulls up apps, the iPod or youtube so she can watch Elmo. And we didn't teach her this! Guess she learns just from watching everyone so often. (she's also accidently called or texted people as well, oops!) She also knows how to access Siri on our phones and talks to her. It's hilarious to hear the things Siri interprets from Olivia.

-She has also recently been insisting what the gender of baby #7 is, guess we'll see if she's right! She also likes to rub my belly & hug and kiss "baby" as she refers to my belly.

This sweet girl is certainly a blessing from above. I have no doubt there is a special connection between her & Noah. She does not in anyway replace him. In fact, she reminds us so much of Noah and all that we missed out on with him. Noah lives on in Olivia and we are reminded daily to treasure each & every moment with her, all because of his life.

Please keep her in prayer due to some health issues and things we are possibly facing.

2 1/2 and 1 1/2

Where has the time gone?? Today Noah is 2 1/2 and Olivia is 1 1/2.

Dear Noah,
I can't believe it's been 2 1/2 years since your miraculous birth! Some days it feels like it was just yesterday we held our breath as you came out, wondering if you were alive or not. Listening to your cry & seeing you move on video tape still gives us chills! On the other hand, I can't believe it's been 2 1/2 long years since I held your warm body against mine, soaking in every detail of you.

Most days as I go about my daily activities, I catch myself wondering what you'd be like today. I wonder if you'd be potty trained by now as Erik was by his 2nd birthday. I wonder how much you would be talking and if you'd have any cute mispronounced words you'd say. As I see Olivia exploring her world, I wonder just how much trouble the two of you would be getting into together!

Oh the things I've missed these last 2 1/2 years......all the hugs & slobbery kisses, being able to wipe away your tears, hearing you say "mommy" and all the other million things I've missed out on. There are days when the tears come & the ache hits even stronger from how much I miss you, it still takes my breath away!

I wish I could get a glimpse into what your life in Heaven is like. While it hurts each passing day that takes me further from when you were here, I know that each day brings me closer to seeing you again! Oh what a glorious reunion we will have, never to be separated again!!!

I love you so very much Noah and am SO thankful God made me your mommy!! You've made such an impact on so many and have made me very proud!

Love,
Mommy

Dear Olivia,

Wow, you are 1 1/2 already!!! Though to look at you, you are the size of a 3-6 month old (yes that's the size clothes you are finally wearing) yet you act like you are several years old!!  You have such a sweet personality and are such a comedian! You love making us laugh.

You are saying several words, my favorite being the way you are saying moooommy in a sing-song voice, too cute! You are starting to make several cute animal sounds. One of your favorite games right now is to play Just Dance on the Wii. You love getting the remote & start dancing to tell us you want to play. The song called "Wild Wild West" on the game you have named "Wa Wa Wah". What's even funnier is you are starting to actually score on the game, you sure do pick up on things fast!

You've been helping us with little chores around house like putting things away or pushing the chair up to the sink when we do dishes so you can "help" put the clean ones in to dry. You love to get on the computer to watch your favorite Elmo songs and it's so adorable the way you insist on holding the laptop on your lap.

When it's time for nap or bed, you wave & "nigh-nigh" to everyone while blowing kisses, sometimes you even walk back to your room yourself. You still cuddle up with one or 2 animals to sleep with. Some mornings when you wake up, you want to hold Noah's bear before even leaving your room. Oh how that melts my heart! I wish your big brother was here as I think the 2 of you would be the best of friends.

I'm so thankful for your tender heart at even such a young age. The moments I have tears from missing Noah, you seem to know and you just cuddle me & give me kisses and let me hold you as long as I need to. I'm so greatful God has blessed us with you, our own rainbow in the midst of a storm, reminding us of God's promises. Because of Noah, we know to cherish each milestone you reach, each smile you give us, and yes, even the times you need extra snuggling in the middle of the night. Each precious minute you are here is a gift and one that we won't take for granted.

I love you my sweet girl and am so thankful for you!!!

Love,
Mommy

"Nna-wah"

The one word that brought me to tears last night. The sound of our 16 month old rainbow baby, pointing at Noah's picture and saying his name in her sweet voice, "Nna-wah".

Olivia next to Noah's Mickey ears in Disney this past September

I can only imagine how much fun the 2 of them would have together if he were here since they are exactly 12 months apart. While we miss Noah every day, the holidays especially are a painful reminder that he isn't physically here with us. The tears come a bit more frequent, the ache is more pronounced. There is just a different feeling to this time of year and some days can be more of a struggle. I long to hold my son, to hold all my children together once again. And it hurts deeply that I can't.

We started a tradition after Noah died by participating in Operation Christmas Child. Since we can't give gifts to our son, we want to bless another little boy in Noah's memory. We fill a shoe box with some practical & some fun goodies to be sent to another part of the world. This past weekend, we finished assembling our box & I admit it made me choke up. The kids all helped pick out different items, each wondering what the boy would like. I couldn't help but wonder what Noah would be into about now. We check marked on the form that we wanted the box to go to a boy the same age as Noah would be. I pray that box brightens the day of a sweet child & that he has the chance to learn about Jesus. 

Noah & Olivia's Birthday Party

When I started thinking about Noah & Olivia's birthday a few months ago, it was pretty easy to come up with a theme for the party. I shared about the origin and meaning of Olivia's name after she was born.....

Many people have asked the significance of Olivia's name. We actually chose the name when I was pregnant with Erik over 8 years ago as it was a name we loved and felt that it went along great with our other girls names. When we were pregnant with Noah, if he had been a girl, we again wanted to use the name. So this time, we felt even more of a draw to use the name Olivia because the name was tied into Noah's story. Both because he would've been named this, as well as what else I discovered during my pregnancy as I dug deeper into the meaning of this name. Olivia means olive branch. In the Bible, an olive branch signifies peace. After the great flood, the dove flew to Noah and gave him an olive branch to show him that it was the end of the flood, giving him a sign of peace. Our Olivia is the olive branch from God and even Noah (and her being miraculously born on his birthday is proof of that!) In the world of baby loss, she is also known as a "rainbow baby". Just like Noah in the Bible was given a rainbow after the flood, so were we given our rainbow....


So all things considering, it was easy for me to decide on Noah's Ark & Rainbows for the theme. Not only did it include a specific theme for each Noah & Olivia but both ideas went together so well.

I admit I didn't sleep well the night before their birthdays. I kept waking up with a pit in my stomach and just wasn't feeling well. As my morning went on, I was flooded with texts, emails and facebook messages from so many people that said they were thinking of and praying for me. It truly helped as I could feel the prayers and I started feeling a lot better. I am so thankful for the many precious friends who took the time to encourage me, it meant a lot!

The day was spent finishing up party prep as we were having their birthday party that evening. I figured being surrounded by dear friends on their exact birthday was the perfect way to celebrate Noah & Olivia.

I made my own animal nacho chips to go with my homemade salsa.

A rainbow jello mold. Lot's of fun but it takes time to make the 12 layers.

I carved an "ark" out of watermelon to serve fruit in.

This is a glimpse of one of the areas that had food & decorations. I made a timeline taking one picture from each of Olivia's 12 months to display. There were also Noah's Ark items scattered around (such as that puzzle in the back that Susan had made & glued together).

Olivia's cake......looks pretty simple.......

.........until you cut it open! This was fun to make!

 (I also made homemade ice cream to go along with the cakes.)

Of course Noah also got his own cake as well. I decided to do chocolate cupcakes with a peanut butter icing. It was simple compared to his cake I did last year. 

Singing Happy Birthday to Noah & Olivia. She didn't want to put down that smooshed cup or ball. lol And I love that she is still wearing her "Noah's baby sister" shirt that a friend gave her when she was born. Yes she still fits into it!

All in all, it was a great party. Hard to believe that this was the first time in 3 years I wasn't in the hospital having a baby on this day. Olivia was a bit shy since there were so many people around. I am thankful for everyone who made it a memorable day (and we missed those of you who weren't able to be here). Olivia enjoyed opening her gifts (when she wasn't busy eating ice cream lol) We were even blessed to get many cards for Noah, not only from those who were at the party but from many other friends as well. We also received a few special items in his memory. I can't tell you how much it meant to us to have SO many people remembering and celebrating both Noah & Olivia!!! THANK YOU!!!!! Thank you for remembering we had 2 babies born on this day who both deserve celebrating!!! That alone was the best gift!

Despite what this road has entailed, we are so incredibly thankful & blessed to have been given both Noah & Olivia, on the same day even! What a miracle their lives are! I look forward to the coming years and seeing how God will continue to use both Noah & Olivia's lives and stories for His glory.

This photo was a challenge for me to take as she kept wanting to walk around & chase the animals. lol

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16

Happy Birthday Noah & Olivia

This is a side by side picture of both my precious babies, in the same hospital room on their shared birthdays.  They both liked putting their hand by their face. Amazing how much they looked alike as newborns.

 Happy Birthday my 2 precious blessings! I love you both so very much!!

(I'll update in a few days about their birthday, it's been a long day)

Shared Birthdays

We are a pretty unique family in that only 2 out of 8 of us have their own birthday. Which means that yes, 6 of us share birthdays with someone else in the house. Sarah & Susan being twins obviously share a birthday. Kevin & I share a birthday. And for some reason, God decided to allow Noah & his rainbow sister to share a birthday just one year apart, which in our eyes is pretty daggone special!

No one has ever batted an eye about our shared birthdays. All of us get acknowledged despite sharing the day with someone else.

I am finding out that isn't the case with Olivia and Noah unfortunately.

They were born on the SAME day through no intervention on my part. So why is it so hard to acknowledge I have 2 kids with the same birthday this year? We are planning a big party for both kids. It's been pretty obvious how much God has intertwined Olivia & Noah's story, so it only seems fitting to honor their miraculous lives together. And we've gotten a great response from many friends over the whole thing, from the cute invites to the upcoming party itself.

Sadly it's those who should be supportive who are seeming to have a problem with us having a birthday party for both our kids. I have said this time and again, talk to anyone who has lost a child and you will see what we do and how we are is "normal" in the world of dead children. This is why I post links to others blogs and posts so you can see it's not just me! I can point you to many blogs of baby loss families who have birthday parties for their kids who live in Heaven. We celebrated Noah's Birthday last year, so why wouldn't we continue to? I am not the first person to do this. I just happen to have another child who shares the same birthday with her older brother who died.

And ya know what, Olivia won't be scarred sharing her birthday with Noah. Sarah & Susan are almost 13 and they don't mind sharing a birthday. So for those who have a problem acknowledging both of my kids who were born on July 13th, you'll have to take that up with God since he gave them to us on the same day. Because every year on July 13th, we will be celebrating BOTH Noah & Olivia.

God doesn't make mistakes. He gave us both these special kiddos on the same day for a reason!

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Jeremiah 1:5

In honor of Noah's birthday, I want to help remember other babies lives, you can read more here.

Catching up

I guess some of you may have noticed I haven't posted much lately. That's due to several things. Some of it is we've just been been keeping more to ourselves recently during this emotional time of Noah's 1yr of both his birthday and heavenly birthday. We've spent a lot of time together just as a family.  A lot of emotions to process with both days. Not only mine but also Kevin & the kids as well. It's been tough for all of them. Even in the weeks prior to Noah's birthday, I could see how it was affecting the kids. There were more tears shed, more talks about him & heaven, etc.

There was also the other reason of a baby.......

being born......

on....

July 13th.....

Yes, you read that right....our rainbow baby was born early.....on Noah's 1st birthday!!!!!

What are the chances? Especially when I go at least 2 weeks late. This was totally a God thing. I can't wait to share with you our story. One of where yet again God met us right where we were. I won't deny that it's been a time of up and down emotions. Both of joy yet tears, all at the same time. So that's partly why I've been a bit reserved lately. There has been a lot to process and work through, both on my end and in helping our kids. But stay tuned for the long version of our rainbow baby's birth story.

With all that said, let me introduce you to our 6th amazing blessing from God.....

Olivia Joy

She looks SOOO much like Noah, it blows my mind. Even in some of her mannerisms, she is just like him. Keep us in prayer as she has had some weight gain & eating issues that has kept me extra busy lately in trying to help her during nursing.

More pictures and her story to come when I have the chance. And thank you to so many of you who have prayed for her during my pregnancy!