Capture Your Grief- Music

Music: 

This might be hard to capture in a photograph so why not post a youtube clip of a piece of music that reminds you of your baby/ies/child/ren. Why this piece of music?

The first song that comes to mind when I think of Noah is "Hello Goodbye" by Michael W Smith. Not only do the lyrics fit our situation perfectly, but the song also includes his name in the chorus!! The above video is the video I put together for his memorial service using this song.

Capture Your Grief- Ritual

Ritual:

 Do you have any rituals to help get you through the day? Maybe it is a daily affirmation or prayer. It could be that you light a candle or recite a mantra etc. Do you do anything meaningful on special dates for your baby?

Each day I wear at least one of my pieces of jewelry that represent Noah (just realized I am missing a piece from this picture, a baby's ring & birthstone pendant friends gave me).

Also, any time I pray, I ask Jesus to give Noah a hug for me and to tell him how much I love & miss him!

On Noah's birthday, I always make him a cake. I gather names of other baby's gone too soon & write their names on a sky lantern to release. (last years release. I am still working on putting together the one from his past birthday).We also visit his grave and leave little gifts or a piece of cake and sing happy birthday to him.

Capture Your Grief-Memory

Memory: 

What memory do you have of your child that stands out for you the most. It may be a positive or negative memory. When you think of your child what is the first memory that comes to your mind?

It's impossible for  me to choose just one memory of Noah as I have so many that flood my thoughts. But looking at this picture, I remember feeling just pure love & joy over finally having my much-wanted baby in my arms, even if it was only brief. 

Capture Your Grief- Legacy

Legacy: 

Do you believe your child left a legacy behind? It could be something very simple but meaningful.

I definitely feel Noah left behind a legacy that continues to ripple on. I can't even begin to list the many ways his life continues to affect us and those around us.  Because of him, I am able to reach out and help other moms who have lost a child. I try to send birthday cards to families on birthdays of their sweet babies whom others forget about & don't acknowledge on such a bittersweet day. Noah's brief life taught me to live in the moment & embrace it. In the back of my mind is often the thought, what if I lost another child today, what would matter the most? That stack of dirty dishes that need done or waiting to do them and taking the kids for a walk instead? Though Noah is no longer breathing, I am and with every breath I continue to take I will allow his legacy & story to live on through my life.

Homeschool Mom's Bible

Many of the things we get to review are for my kids (which they love!) So I was excited when I was recently given the chance to review something just for ME!! I have had the same Bible since I was about 8 years old. I've often wanted to get a new one but was never sure which one to get. I had actually never heard of the Homeschool Mom's Bible from Zondervan until it came up for review so I was thrilled with the chance to get my own copy!

The Homeschool Mom's Bible comes in either the NIV or KJV version. I chose the NIV as the Bible I already had was KJV and I wanted something a bit easier to understand. This Bible has a hardcover with a slipcover on top. The pages are your typical thin, smooth pages that many Bibles have.

In the front of the Bible, there is a list of the books of the Bible listed in order as well as alphabetical order. After that, there is a foreward written by Vicky Farris who is the wife of Dr Michael Farris, the founder of HSLDA. She shares how she knows what it's like at this time of a busy, homeschooling moms life and encourages us to let the laundry wait & get into God's word. 

Following her foreward is information about Alpha Omega publishing as well info about the author of the devotionals, Janet Tatman, who is a veteran homeschool mom. She worked for Alpha Omega publishing writing devotions for the Daily Focus which is where the devotions for this Bible came from.

My favorite part of this Bible is the 365 daily devotions spread throughout all the books of the Bible. Each devotions lists the date, a verse of scripture that ties into the subject of the devotion, then it has an easy to read devotional that is a page or less followed by a prayer at the end tying everything together that you just read. The devotions are written specifically for a homeschool mom and deals with many of the things we may face on a daily basis. I loved how down to earth and relatable the devotions were. I found myself nodding my head and encouraged as I read through each devotion.

I typically chose the morning to have my quiet time & used the devotions from this Bible following the dates that were given. If you are reading through the whole Bible, you could just read each devotion as it comes up. Some of the topics Janet touches on in the devotions are:

-facing new challenges in homeschooling

-trusting God & giving him control in our homeschool endeavors

-choosing wisely when it comes to curriculum

In the back of the Bible, there is a topical index that lists many topics with scripture to look up. I always appreciate the aspect of having this to reference as I like to find specific verses to relate to a specific situation or feeling.

Overall, I think this is a great Bible for homeschool moms and I look forward to reading through more of the devotions in the coming weeks and months.

The Homeschool Mom's Bible is available for $34.99.

Capture Your Grief- Myth

Myths: Do you believe there are any myths about grief? You could write the myth on a piece of paper and photograph it

"Time heals all wounds."

This statement is so false. People said many things to me thinking they were helping, one of which was this or a similar phrase. Losing a child leaves a hole in you forever. Every day my heart aches with missing my son. Time will never remove that or heal me. All time has done is allow me to learn to live with my grief, to weave it into each breath I take. My son's death is a wound that will never heal until I am made whole again in Heaven.

Along the lines of time, another thing that has been implied is that because my son didn't live very long, my grief isn't as significant as someone whose child lived many years. That because I didn't get to form many memories with Noah, I shouldn't feel the pain as deep as someone who lost a child that they held for many years. In talking with others who have lost a child that lived for many years, the depth of our grief is still the same no matter how long or short a child lived. In fact, one mom told me she is thankful she at least has the memories, the reminder of their childs laugh, she got to see them smile and she felt saddened for me I didn't get to experience those things with Noah. The level or significance of our grief is not measured by how long a child lived or didn't live!!

Now that I am thinking about time, yet another myth is that we should "be over" our grief after a few months. Yes, I was told this by people just a few months after Noah died sadly. Even now, this is still implied when I talk about Noah or mention about having a tough day due to grief. I will never "be over" my son! To do so would deny his life and my love for him.

Capture Your Grief-2013

October is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month (established in 1988 by President Ronald Reagan). Since Noah died, I've been participating in different activities during this month, both in hopes of breaking the silence & taboo surrounding infant death as well as a way to honor & remember my son. Even though I talk about & do things for Noah at all times during the year, I feel like this month is a time I can freely do so without judgement from others as SO many other moms are remembering their children this month as well.

Last year I participated in Carly Marie's photo project of "capturing our grief" with a photo challenge and topics to share about during the month of October in honor of our babies gone too soon. I am also going to do my best to take part in it this year as much as time allows.

My heart has been heavy again lately. We were on a mini-vacation last week with friends and the hole in our family left by Noah weighed heavily on me. As we got to the boardwalk the one evening, I just started sobbing out of no where (sorry dear friends for the break down). But it hit me that we should've been watching my 3 year olds wide-eyed expression as he took in all the excitement and activity of a busy beach boardwalk while yanking on our hand to go see this & that and pest for a special treat.

Some days I still can hardly believe I was brought down this path of parenting a child in Heaven. It just goes against everything natural. We expect to say goodbye to grandparents, parents or even a spouse but never were we intended to bury a child. No wonder the "experts" say childloss is one of the worst grief experiences ever. It doesn't matter how long your child lived either, whether a few weeks in the womb or 40 years on earth, the pain left behind just.plain.sucks. Somedays we just need to call it what it is.

Today's topic from Carly is: Identity: What is your child’s name? Why did you chose that name? What is the meaning of their name? If they were born, what were their birth details. What were their features? Who are they?

Our sweet son's name is Noah Alexander. I am not sure how exactly we selected his name to be honest. We have a tradition that we want all of our kids to have a name from the Bible for either their first or middle name. We just loved how strong the name Noah Alexander sounded. Noah means peace & comfort and Alexander means warrior. We had chosen his name before we learned of his fatal diagnosis and I'd say his name suited him to a "T". He sure was a fighter & warrior and overcame many odds the doctors said he wouldn't. He also brought us a sense of comfort and still does. He reminded us of the peace & comfort Jesus has given us despite having a grieving heart.

We had no idea when I was in labor if Noah would be born alive or not as the hospital suggested not to have the normal fetal monitoring. They said he wouldn't survive labor and they didn't want us to hear when his heart stopped. Our doctor took special care in slowly delivering him, turning him before he was even out of me so the kids could take pictures and she waved his arm at us. I think we were all holding our breath as he was placed lovingly on my chest not knowing if he was alive or not. That first cry he gave us set us all off in tears, our precious son was born alive!!! A prayer everyone was praying ever so hard for! We asked that we'd be granted just a few minutes of alive time and not only were we given a few minutes, we were given 9 miraculous hours the doctors said would NEVER happen!! This same child whom they said would be preemie size was a whopping 6lbs 10oz & 19" long just like his 4 older sibling were all also 19". He was also born 9 days late when they said he would be born early.

Noah had the most chubbiest, kissable cheeks and even though he had a full cleft lip, it was just so him!!! I can't even begin to picture what he looks like in Heaven with a perfect body. He had a decent amount of hair and it was lighter like Erik's had been. In fact, it almost looked like he had a tinge of red to it and I often wonder what his hair would've eventually turned to as all my kids hair changed as they got older.

One of the hardest parts of your child dying is never knowing the person they fully would've developed into. I know beyond a doubt he was stubborn & a fighter as most babies with Trisomy 13 miscarry in the first 3 months of pregnancy, let alone go on to live like Noah did. His short but amazing life continues to ripple on touching many others in ways I can only ever hope to achieve.

Noah Alexander

My Son

My 5th child

A brother

A grandson

A great-grandson

A cousin

A nephew

He is, not was.

See It and Say It Flip Flop Spanish

Have you wanted to include spanish in your homeschool schedule but are intimidated by complex programs?? Then check out See It and Say It Flip Flop Spanish from Flip Flop Learning. We recently had the chance to review this product with all my kids and were quite pleased with the results.

The first thing we noticed when opening the package was how organized everything was laid out with clear, easy-to-follow instructions that said precisely how to use this curriculum. No paging through a book to figure it out! The lesson pages were already hole punched ready to put into a 3 ring binder. In fact, if your binder had the outside clear pockets, included was a cover page, a piece for the spine & a back page to put in!

After we got the pages in the binder, we put the CD in the computer to play and opened the book to the first lesson. The lesson pages & CD walk you through step by step of how to best use this program. There is no prep work at all!  It is set up to be a 2 year curriculum, doing 1 lesson per week (that you repeat 3 times during that week) though you can go at your own pace and move through it quicker if your children are grasping it well. It is recommended to use the CD lesson for the first 2 lessons each week then going on your own using the curriculum as a guide for the 3rd lesson.

Along with the actual instruction book are flashcards that have colorful pictures on one side and the spanish & english words on the other side. Also included is a white board paddle and dry erase marker to play spanish pictionary with (which was a huge hit with my kids!)

From the very 1st lesson, you start assembling simple sentences such as "Me gusta el helado" (I like ice cream). Not only do you have immersion with this curriculum listening to Senora Gose's easy-to-understand voice, you also have a picture for each word so it really helps reinforce the word both visually & audibly at the same time. The curriculum encourages you to flip the word over & flop it down as you say it but with teaching several kids at a time we didn't do this. I had the kids sit in a circle & point to the words instead.

Older kids are encouraged to write sentences using the words they have learned which is what my older ones have done. Each time they were presented with new words, they wrote them in their notebook then later in the week they wrote sentences using these words which really helped reinforce what they were learning.

They loved playing pictionary using the white board paddle. We would put the flashcards in a bowl and whose ever turn it was, picked a random card and had to draw it for the others to guess it in spanish. Whoever said the word correctly in spanish won the card.

Other activities that we did were playing charades and speed rounds where the word was said on the CD and they had to race to point to the word. There are also other suggested activities listed on the website.

This program is recommended for ages 3 and up. What impressed me was that due to the CD having you repeat words and use the flashcards at the same time, my 2 year old was attempting to say the words. Even more impressive was when shown flashcards and I would say the spanish word, she could point to the correct picture!!!

My kids beg almost every day to do this program (which takes at most 15 minutes a day). I love the simplicity of it yet how much they are learning daily.

The full program is $99.95 (with free shipping) and includes:

45 lessons ready to put into a 3 ring binder

4 audio CDs in a plastic sheet you can put in the binder

3 decks of flashcards that have colorful pictures & the english/spanish words

1 white board paddle

1 dry eraser marker

2 plastic sheets you can insert the flashcards in to keep sentences in place

Definitely a wonderful program that you can use with any age group all at one time!

Baby Parade! (give me your ideas)

Every fall, our local town has a fair where the streets are blocked off for a few days. Lots of overpriced  games & rides as well as the many food stands can be found here. There are also lots of categories where you can enter items such as baked or home-canned goods, produce you've grown, photos, sewing items, etc to be judged and win a monetary prize.

The part I look forward to the most is the baby parade. I had the kids involved for several years until they got too old for it (age 6). Last year I was thrilled to finally be able to participate again with Olivia. She got 2nd place in her category! (the chicken costume). We aren't required to dress up with our child but it does add a certain element to it so I have tried at times to dress up with them. Another thing that gives us more points is handmaking the childs costume. And in the pictures below, I have made them all myself (except my chicken costume, which I owned from working as one along with my kids several years ago).

In fact, the one year we were asked to participate in the Mummer's Day Parade in Philadelphia on New Year's Day!! We even placed winning $100 & a trophy!

And just for laughs, here's a pic of the kids & when we spent a week working as "chickens" (yes I made their costumes). We also worked as the above clowns as well.

All that to say, I wanted to see what suggestion you would have for Olivia & Ava this year! There are different categories such as decorating a wagon with them in it (which we have a wagon), best characterization, cutest sibling group and best dressed walking are some I would consider. Most of the time we did best dressed walking. So comment below or message me with your suggestions!!

The Presidential Game

We are a game loving family. Ever since the kids were younger, we've slowly been building up our game closet so when The Presidential Game came up for review, we didn't hesitate to request it. 

I'll be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect with a game that is solely based on acquiring electoral votes to win the presidency. I was afraid I'd be pulling my kids teeth to play this for the review. Boy was I blown away! Both the kids & my husband spent many hours over the last 6 weeks playing this because they wanted to!

The game comes with a sturdy, colorful game board, red & blue dice, red & blue chips, score sheet & political cards (as well as some blank ones for you to write your own). This game is for ages 11 & up but if you have younger children, they can pair up with the older ones to play. You have to have a minimum of 2 players but you can have as many people as you want to play as you split into 2 teams, the democrats & republicans. Just as an added side note, it doesn't matter which side of the fence you sit on for your real life political party, this game is neutral. 

To start, divide up into teams & decide who is going to be blue or red (I say that because some of them always wanted to be a certain political party) and then roll the dice to decide who will be going first. You also determine how long you are going to campaign for. The score sheet lists 30 weeks but we found that would take over 2 hours for a round so typically they played for 15 weeks.

Before you roll the dice for your turn, you decide if your team will campaign or fundraise. If your team decides to campaign, they will decide & announce which 3 states to campaign in then roll their 3 dice. Whatever 3 numbers come up determines how many chips you allocate to those 3 states. (each dice number goes to a separate state). The goal is to win control of a state. So if the state was neutral (no blue or red chips present) as soon as your political party has at least 1 of their chips in it, they currently have those electoral votes. The key is, both parties can keep fighting for a state which is what keeps this game exciting!

Let's say the democrats have 3 of their chips in Florida but the republicans really want that state and they choose to take 5 chips to put towards the state, 3 of their chips cancel out the democrats so the state of Florida now has 2 republican chips thus giving them control.

If the team chooses to fundraise for their turn, they announce that & choose which state to fundraise in as you can only do this in California, Florida, Texas & New York. To do this, you only roll 2 dice. You  have to put at least half that number in chips on the state you chose to fundraise in. The rest can be divided up amongst any of the rest of the states. Then you choose a card from the stack of political cards though you don't use this card during that turn but save it for a future time to take the opposing team by surprise (though a few of these cards state to play immediately). 2 examples of what these cards are "Your spouse supposedly makes some of the best mashed potatoes. The secret recipe is revealed at the Idaho Spud Day. Add 2 votes to Idaho." "A top DC lobbyist who your opponent befriended while in congress is indicted. Your opponent loses 2 votes from the state of your choice." There are also blank cards to write your own suggestions as well.

At the end of the campaign (however many weeks you chose to play) if there are any states that remain neutral or tied, a state is chosen and both teams roll a dice and whoever has the highest number claims that state. This continues on until all the states belong to one party or the other. The team that has the most electoral votes wins the presidency.

Another neat feature to this game is using the online interactive webmap where you could keep score there instead of using the score sheets. We felt this made it a lot easier to keep track of who had each state.

There was a bit of a learning curve to this game and it took a few times of playing to get it down. While it was an educational game helping the kids to understand the electoral college and the importance of strategization, it was just an overall fun game that they all have thoroughly enjoyed and perfect for all ages! This would also make a good game for a civics class at a co-op.

The Presidential Game can be purchased for $35.

Prairie Sushi (aka Tortilla Roll-Ups)

I teach a cooking class at our co-op. This semester I am basing it all on "fresh food", things I can get at the farm stands in the area. For our first day last week, I wanted something easy as I ease the class into cooking new things. I was inspired by the Pioneer Lady with this recipe and figured it would be a good one to start my class with.

When I told the students that we were making Prairie Sushi, I got the strangest looks. But when you see the picture, you can understand the name. Using a variety of fresh ingredients, wrapped up tightly in a tortilla shell does resemble traditional sushi.

The great thing about this recipe is you can use whatever your heart desires in it. You can make a lunch out of it or cut into pieces to serve as an appetizer.

We intentionally left the ends of the filling hanging out as we made them so when it was cut into pieces, it looked a bit dressy (and you weren't stuck eating plain pieces of tortilla). When spreading the cream cheese filling, make sure to spread it to the ends as this acts like a "glue" holding the wrap shut. You can use a variety of veggies or lunch meats. We made 2 varieties, one an all veggie using romaine lettuce (minus the spine), carrots, cucumbers and avocado. The other kind had carrots, cucumbers & chipped ham (use chipped lunchmeat, it just works better). You could even use some shredded cheese as well! And let me say, after julienning these things by hand, I SO want to buy this:

   

It would make some pretty cool zucchini noodles as well! It's on my list of things to get soon!

8 ounces cream cheese, Softened

1 Tablespoon chopped green onions or chives

1 Tablespoon minced fresh parsley

8 whole basil leaves, chopped 

 Salt And Pepper, to taste

1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

8 whole taco sized flour tortillas

1/2 pound chipped turkey or ham

3 whole carrots, peeled And julienned

1 whole cucumber, seeds scraped out and julienned

3 leaves green leaf lettuce, spine removed

2 whole avocados, sliced

Make the herbed cream cheese by combining the softened cream cheese with the chives, parsley, basil, salt and pepper, and lemon juice. Stir to combine.

Spread cream cheese in a thin layer over the tortillas. Lay ingredients down the middle of the tortilla: for the turkey or ham rollup, use turkey/ham, carrots, and cucumber. For a "salad" rollup, use lettuce, carrots, cucumber, and avocado. Let the veggies extend past the edges on either side.

Roll up the tortillas as tightly as they'll go, then wrap each rollup in plastic wrap and refrigerate for one hour.

To slice, cut each rollup exactly in half, then line up the two halves and cut them in half again. Stand the end pieces up so that the veggies stick out the top.

Cade's Cove- Tennessee

I shared a few weeks ago about some of the field trips we went on while camping in Tennessee with our friends (Titanic Museum & Ripley's Aquarium of the Smokies). Another fun trip we took with our friends was a visit through Cade's Cove.

Cade's Cove is an isolated valley in the Great Smoky Mountain (and now a national park).  The first settlers were Europeans in the early 1800's and many of their original buildings are now preserved just as they were back then. Cade's Cove has an 11 mile, one way road that you can slowly drive on to not only tour different cabins, churches & mills but also see some awesome landscape and wildlife.

We headed out the morning of August 6 thinking we'll spend maybe 3 hours or so there. Ha, over 9 hours later, this is just a glimpse of our day there!

(click on photos to enlarge)

As we walked back a trail, we were amazed to see a young buck & doe together who didn't even startle by our presence. As we continued along, they meandered out on the trail about 8 feet in front of  us, so cool!!! (these are just a few of the many pics I took of them)

One of the many hikes we went on.

Such amazing history in these churches.  We sat through a 20 minute presentation by a park ranger that was chock full of amazing info!!!

He explained how this church was built using green pines which are impressionable by hand literally until they dry out. This picture is a photo of the ceiling where you can easily see imprints of hands of both grown men & boys he said since the wood was still soft & wet when they built it. (& this goes back to the 1800's wow!)

Oh how my mama's heart hurt as I walked through many graveyards on this trip. What really caught my eye were the many stillborn graves I saw as well as grave of little ones who lived just a few months. I was SO thankful to see that despite the times, these precious lives were acknowledged & remembered!! For example, check out the graves above. I hadn't noticed right away until I studied them. Here was a set of twin sisters Lura Louella & Lora Estella born together in 1911 but sadly Lora was stillborn. Get this, her sister Lura lived into her 90's and when she died, she was brought back and buried next to her infant sister in 2004!!!!! Both their headstones have a lamb on top.

I actually have many other pics I took of infant and toddler headstones. My heart ached when I saw a family that had buried 3 sons within 3 years. So unfair. How I would've loved to learn more of their story.

Yikes, murdered by the rebels!!!!

As we hiked back from seeing the above cabin, some of the kids were in front of us. All of a sudden, we heard them screaming as they came running towards us. A snake had gone across the trail in front of them and they almost stepped on it. We reminded them not yell or run like that when seeing wildlife. Not more than a few minutes after that, Susan and her friend were up ahead of the group on a small hill. We were almost at the end of the trail and back to our vehicles. All of a sudden they stopped dead in their tracks and turned around, eyes wide as they pointed & whispered "bear"!!! We were like WHAT?!?! (ok so we didn't yell it but felt a sense of panic for sure). We gathered everyone close while someone from the group went up the hill to take a look. It was a black bear cub which means where there is a baby, there is a mama. Double yikes!! Of course there was brush on either side of the trail so we knew mama could come out of anywhere. The cub scampered off before anyone could get a picture and we cautiously made our way out to the road. 2 people from our group hadn't gone on this hike so when we came out & told them how we just saw a cub, they said they noticed people were stopping on the road near us and were taking pictures of what we assume was the mama to the bear cub, eek!! Crazy how close we were! It sure made for a memorable experience. I am just thankful we were all kept safe!

And then there was the hike to Abram's Falls. It'll be fun we thought. HA!!! So we start off, ok, not bad. Then we get further down the trail, lots of rocks and then it gets narrow. Not a big deal, unless said trail is only 3 feet wide, rocky AND on the side of a mountain with a steep drop and no safety rails. Ugh, talk about feeling super anxious as we continued on. And this trail went on and on and on. We finally get there and we looked at the falls and said we went through all that for THIS?!?! The falls were only about 35 feet high and there really was not much else to see in the area. The kids waded around in the water for a bit (did I add it was HOT to the list?!) We didn't stay too long as we were all hot & tired and knew the hike we were facing to get back to our cars.

I had hiked with Ava in the moby wrap on me, thankfully she slept on the way there, woke up to nurse once we were there and fell back asleep on the hike back. On the way back, Olivia was tired and didn't want anyone to hold her besides me. Rather than listen to her whine for the 2 1/2 miles back, I carried her in addition to having Ava strapped to me! Yeah I got my exercise that day!! The kids had said they wished we had music to as we hiked out of there, so I pulled up on my phone, my playlist I use for running and blasted music. Ya know, we made the hike out 12 minutes faster than it took us to get in. And that was with me carrying two kids and all of us being tired so that music really helped!

All in all, it was a memorable day spent with great friends!!!