Day 7: What to say & do

The other day, I covered what not to say or do to someone who is grieving the loss of a child. Today I want to share some ideas of what you can say or do.

-I don't know what to say or do but please know I am so sorry for the loss of your precious (insert name). I am thinking of/praying for you. 
I so appreciated the people who admitted they didn't know what to say or do but were thinking of me. I'd much rather they be honest than ignore us or say one of those cliche comments that hurt.

-Offer a hug and don't be afraid to shed tears with them
Actions can often speak louder than words, especially if you don't know what to say. I treasure those who weep with me.

-Remember that special days are hard; holidays, anniversary of finding out fatal diagnosis, birthday & date of death. And not just the 1st anniversary of these times either but in the years to come. 
I appreciate those who continue remember along with us such as including Noah's name in a Christmas card to the family, a note, phone call, email or text on the "special" days letting me know you are thinking of us means the world!

-If you know of a need, just do it.
Many people want to do something to help the family but don't know what so they don't do anything. I found that meals are one of the best things that anyone can do. And not just in the first few weeks after the death, but even occasionally in the months to come. After those first few weeks, everyone goes back to their life and the grieving family feels even more alone. In the following months, I had people occasionally call or stop by to bring us a meal or to put a meal or 2 in my freezer. I can't tell you how many times that on the days that happened, I was having a hard day and not having to worry about cooking lifted a burden. Don't like to cook? Give the family a gift card for a local take-out place. Or drop off a few bags of groceries of snacks or easy to prepare foods. Some other ways to help are mowing the lawn, pulling weeds, doing something special with their other kids, etc.

-Include Noah in the number of kids I have.
I have 6 kids. Noah is also a brother, grandchild, cousin & nephew and should be counted as such like the rest of my kids.

-Talk about my son. Ask about his birth or special memories we may have. Ask to see his picture or video. Tell me what you think he'd be doing today if he were here.
It's ok to talk about Noah. Sure, sometimes I may tear up, but that's not because you mentioned him as the tears are often there whether you mention him or not. I love when someone randomly brings Noah into a conversation!!

-Just say Noah's name!!!!
Just yesterday, a friend sent me an email. All she said was that she thought of me and attached to it, she had a picture of Noah's name. What a gift that made my day!! Things like that may seem insignificant to you, but they mean so much. If your friend or loved one or their child comes to mind, don't hesitate to drop them a line letting them know. Often they need to hear that at that very moment & God is prompting you to tell them as a way to encourage them.

My Child's Name
Go ahead and mention my child, 

The one that died, you know. 
Don't worry about hurting me further; 
The depth of my pain doesn't show. 
Don't worry about making me cry; 
I'm already crying inside. 
Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide. 
I'm hurt when you just keep silent, pretending he didn't exist. 
I'd rather you mention my child, 
Knowing that he has been missed. 
You ask me how I'm doing, 
I say "pretty good" or "fine", 
But healing is something ongoing. 
I feel it will take a lifetime. 

Noah's perfect feet in my hands


  1. It seems like this would be a great link for CHASE families right now. :-( Thanks for using what you have learned through grieving for Noah to teach us how to shelter and encourage each other better. <3


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