Day 3- After loss self portrait

I've never shared these photos anywhere. It is pictures of us during Noah's private graveside service. Just seeing this picture brings back the emotions from that day. I am thankful to have had a dear friend photograph everything during Noah's viewing, burial & memorial service as I can hardly remember anything from that day. Except the sickening feeling I had at seeing my son for the last time, holding him one more time, then tucking him into his casket. Those are memories etched into my head & heart until the day I am reunited with Noah. Just thinking of it all makes me sob to this day. There is no worse feeling than burying your child. It is just.not.fair.

On one hand this day feels just like yesterday but also feels like a lifetime ago. Oh how I miss my son SOOO much!! I wish I could say this ache goes away but it doesn't. I'm only learning how to cope with it as best as I can. I've been given a life sentence of living with a piece of my heart missing. 

 "As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned,this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."
John 9:1-3

There has been a person or 2 who implied via gossip to others that we did something to deserve our son dying which is so far from the truth!! The only thing we've done is give our lives to Jesus to direct as He sees fit. He obviously felt like we deserved the blessing of Noah so He could work in his life and ours for His own glory and I love how this verse portrays that exact thing!!!! God often uses negative things to display His works to the world, if we are willing to let him.


  1. wow, what amazing images...the expressions on all of your faces truly say it all. Thank you for being brave enough to share them...I know it isn't easy!

  2. Thank you so much for sharing these photos Jenn. I can only imagine how hard it is to make these precious photos public for all the world to see.

  3. Oh Jenn, here I go sobbing too... I absolutely LOVE the Bible verse you included here. The feeling I did'nt deserve Lily is the worst feeling ever. Thank you for sharing this intense part of your journey. xx

  4. Oh Jenn, here I go sobbing too...I Love the Bible verse you wrote. Feeling I didn't deserve Lily is the worst feeling ever. Thank you for sharing this intense and heart breaking part of your life with such beautiful words. xx

  5. Beautiful post and beautiful pictures!

  6. these pictures just broke my heart, especially the look on your words can describe



I enjoy hearing from each & every one of you! Thanks for taking the time to comment. :)