It's been a busy couple of days. Sunday night I was crampy & had contractions for about an hour which made me nervous. Under normal circumstances, I probably would've jumped on my bike to make them worse and said bring it on!! But I know I didn't have everything together yet and certainly wasn't ready for labor to start so I soaked in the hot tub in hopes that would stop things. It did. And thankfully I slept after being up since 1am that morning.

Yesterday was busy with errands and I got called in to clean a camper in the afternoon. The kids and I also worked on taking some photos of us all that I will try to edit and share soon.

Today we had plans to meet up with some moms & kids from our homeschool co-op for a picnic lunch. And then afterwards, all 3 girls were going home with a friend for a sleepover. So you can just imagine the excitement in our house this morning. The kids couldn't wait until we left! On the drive there, I received a phone call from our maternal/fetal specialist. He wanted to touch base with me since a bunch of hospital staff had yet another meeting today about our case. He stated how the OB's in my practice were still pushing for me to have a scheduled c-section. Again, there is NO reason necessary for this except it would be convenient for them, period. Thankfully the specialist backed us up and told them there is no reason at this point that I need a c-section. UGH just frustrating how c-section happy some doctors can be.

He also went on again to remind me that he strongly feels that Noah won't be born alive. And that IF he is, he won't have much time at all. He also went over some other scenarios we need to consider and make decisions on before I go into labor. I can't even begin to type them, it's just too hard. Needless to say, it was a difficult phone call. Maybe it was a good thing I was driving because I had to keep myself together and not lose it on the phone with him. He again stated his feeling is is that I shouldn't carry Noah past due. I'm still so torn on this. If he & I are both fine, then I'd rather take things a day at a time. I've never been one to want to pick my childs birthday, let alone the possible day of their death. I can't do it. I pray I go into labor on my own.

I admit I shed a few tears after I got off the phone. Sarah reached over and just rubbed my arm. My kids have always been very empathetic, but I see even more of a sensitive side to them since going through all this. Trust me, they see all sides of our emotions lately. We have been very open with them since day one. If they even hear me choke up throughout the day, they are right by my side hugging me. I'm so thankful for my kids!!

We had a nice time visiting with friends and I personally was glad it was overcast outside and not nearly as humid as I don't think I could've stayed outside long. Heat usually doesn't bother me but the last 2wks I've had to have this huge fan on me at night time, while Kevin is bundled under blankets! LOL And that fan is in addition to a/c at times!!! So yeah, for once I'm the one who is always feeling hot!!

We got the girls things situated with their friend and said goodbye to them until tomorrow afternoon. We headed to Michaels on the way home. I've been wanting to get some molding kits to make molds of Noahs hands & feet for a keepsake. So we found a few things there as well as getting some different colored paint for each of us so we can do group hand prints w/Noah. It was bittersweet shopping for these things. I bought more kits than I probably need because I want to make sure we capture all that we can. I'm just thankful none of the clerks made any comments to me because it was hard enough holding back the tears while shopping.

I should've came home and started working on my portfolios since after all, my evalutions are on Thursday, but I was just feeling too depressed. Erik invited a friend overnight so he is just having a ball!!!! I am hoping to have some renewed energy tomorrow and will get the portfolios done!!! ( I don't have much choice! lol)


  1. Jenn,I'm so sorry that you got that phone call. I can't begin to imagine but please know that we are all still praying for you. While school was still going on, I prayed for you and Noah at the beginning of each class period. I ran into a student recently and one of the first things she asked me was about you and the baby. Perfect strangers are praying for you.

    As for the c/s debate... For the longest time I too kept thinking to go ahead and go into labor on your own, but after reading this post I had another thought and wanted to share it with you. If the doctor is right, you might have few precious moments with Noah, if at all. I would think that if all the staff is in place, ready to go, then you might get to have more time with him. You'll be awake so you won't miss anything. If you decide to go with mother nature, then the staff may not be able to get in place fast enough to be as prepared. Does that make sense? I just have this image of many doctors and nurses standing around waiting to jump into action. If I were a doctor or nurse on this case I can see why they would want to plan this event.

    Just know that I support you in whatever you decide, but I wanted to throw that thought out there for you.

    Love to you, Kevin, and the kids.

  2. Ann, that is so sweet about your student, thank you for praying!!

    As for the c/s, the specialist specifically said yesterday that he doesn't feel having a c/s will give us any extra time at all. In fact, he would like us to avoid one because he feels again, once Noah is taken from me, that will be it. Trust me, that was one of the first things we asked is if that would give us more time because I'd do that in a heartbeat.

    Basically they said my body is acting like Noah's life support. But what I keep trying to remember is that God planned all this to happen and I am trying to put my faith in that whatever the outcome is, it was His will and meant to happen (don't get me wrong though, doesn't make it easy to say that but it's the only thing keeping me going, is that there IS some sort of bigger purpose to this all). The doctors are only human and God is far bigger than them. But it gets discouraging to hear over & over what they keep telling me.

    My hope and prayer is that Noah proves the doctors wrong and is able to spend some time with us. My really big hope is that he could come home with us for a bit.

  3. I'm glad to know that the doctor addressed that. I say go for the vaginal birth, if at all possible then. You know we are here for you no matter what. I had a nightmare last night that you were talking bad about me on facebook for posting my suggestion. I was so sad. You and Noah are affecting my subconscious now. :)


I enjoy hearing from each & every one of you! Thanks for taking the time to comment. :)