Preemie Clothes

Woke up to a dreay, overcast rainy day today. Guess it was a good thing we had to go into Schreiber for speech therapy or I probably wouldn't have left the house let alone got much done today. I've noticed these types of days really affect my mood lately. They really leave me feeling even more down that I do at times.

Since we were in at Lancaster and had to pass Babies'R'Us, we decided to stop there to see if they had any preemie clothes. They didn't which surprised me. We had already checked at our local walmart the other week and hadn't seen any. So I called the Carters Outlet and they said they had some so we headed there. Getting Noah a few outfits was on the top of my to-do list so I didn't want to put it off.

The kids and I gazed around the store for a bit trying to find some outfits. The selection of preemie clothes wasn't big but we found a few things. Then the kids asked if they could each pick him out an outfit, I said why not. So they got really excited as they went around the store, each picking "their" outfit. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I said no matter what happens, we will put Noah in each of their outfits and take pictures with him and the kids in each special outfit. Then the kids can each keep their outfit that he wore. This really made the kids day!!!

While we were there, I told the kids we need to think about an outfit that will be Noahs final outfit. I can't seem to bring myself to say burial outfit because that just makes me bawl my eyes out. Final outfit seems much easier to say right now. I didn't want to use any of the kids outfits they picked because I want them to keep those. We had a hard time finding anything we liked until we saw this precious preemie layette. It's simple but so dear. It has baby blue colored pants, socks and little beanie hat, a white onesie shirt trimmed in the matching blue and stitched across the front it says "Little Brother". It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. We should've been at that store picking out his homecoming outfit, not thinking about his final outfit.

I held myself together pretty well while shopping. I had the kids excitement to thank for that. When we went to checkout, the lady kept going on and on about "our baby boy" and just making comments that had she known the situtation, would've been inconsiderate. Of course, I start tearing up at all this, not knowing if I should stop her rambling and explain before I totally lost it or just let her keep going. I could tell the kids were ready to speak up, they just stood there rubbing my belly and holding my hands trying to comfort me. I could barely see to walk out the door through my cloud of tears. It's not fair I couldn't be like the other pregnant moms in that store, happily picking out my soon-to-be newborns clothes. Instead, I'm just hoping to have a few minutes to be able to dress my son in the clothes his siblings picked out for him.

When we got home, I just couldn't do anything for awhile, just felt too depressed again. I decided to start working on the mural in Noah's room. It was the perfect distraction and stress reliever. I can't wait to get his room together soon!!!