June 1st

I can hardly believe it's finally June. I had been looking forward and counting down to this month for a LONG time. Even just less than a month ago, I could hardly wait for June. Amazing how only 2 1/2 wks can change things forever. June doesn't hold the excitement for me like it did. I am practically full term and could go into labor at anytime (though in the past, I've gone 2 & 3wks late). Last night I had quite a bit of pain and honestly got a little scared thinking that maybe that could be early labor. I went to bed at 7:30 just so I could lay down in hopes the pain I had would stop. I panicked and made sure I knew where the camera and video camera was at least. Thank goodness the pain stopped. I think I just did too much over the weekend. (Maybe biking 18 miles wasn't a good idea!!! haha)



Noah has been just as active as ever, praise God!!! It was cute, last night, Hannah came and said goodnight to him like she does every night and he went nuts jumping all over. He often does that when she talks to him. Hannah talks to him a lot actually throughout the day. It's been hard in this hot weather to constantly have her laying on my belly (last thing I want right now is someone hanging on me as we don't have a/c), but I know she needs this, and I am positive Noah intentionally reacts to her voice. He often moves when she talks to him. It's so amazing!!!


I am just a mix of emotions still. I stayed busy all weekend which was nice for a change to almost forget everything. But then when today hit, back to normal schedule and I saw the date, a feeling of dread sort've took over. I am doing my best to not think about what may lay ahead. I realize what reality may be but I also am holding hope that Noah is actually going to come home to spend some time with us for a bit. I almost have a sense of peace that this WILL happen! I am working on his room right now. The kids helped me rip off the old border and I patched a hole in the wall today. I will start to paint tomorrow.



Last week, Noah received his first piece of mail/gift!!! I couldn't believe when the kids brought it in to me, as we had only found out we were having a boy and publicly named him just the week prior. He received a beautiful blankie from a Trisomy 13/18 support group with a letter of prayer for him. THANK YOU to whomever submitted his name to this group. I will be forever grateful for this beautiful keepsake for Noah!!! I just cried when I opened it. We will take many pictures of him with this.

The emboidery on this says "Child of God". Oh my sweet Noah, I can't wait to wrap this around you!!!

Noah also received his very first outfit this week from dear friends of ours. I haven't gone shopping yet for him, so I am thankful to have at least an outfit so far. A tiny little preemie outfit...

It's hard to believe it's not much longer. Such a bittersweet time! I can't wait to meet him, yet I'm scared of the unknown. Of not knowing how to prepare or what to expect. I wish I could put into words how I feel. I honestly am trying to live in the "here and now" and not worry about the future. God already knows what's going to happen and it's out of my hands. Almost like a phrase I read today.... "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today". Each of our days are numbered. I'm just blessed to have been given an insight into Noah's condition which makes me appreciate each and every day all the more. I truly appreciate every minute and hour we have together. It makes you take a whole new outlook on life when you are faced with a situation much like we're in. You learn not to sweat the small stuff, to appreciate the little things. To stop and not let life pass you by. Noah has taught me a lot in his short life so far. I still would give anything to not be going through this and I still question God as to why. But I am trying to take it all one day at a time and trust that there is a bigger purpose to why MY dear son Noah is going through what he is.

Just keep praying please.