I was up again this morning around 5am. And that was after only falling asleep before 1am. I guess I should consider myself lucky I slept that much. My insomnia has gotten worse. The kids seemed to be ok this morning when they woke up. I wasn't sure what to expect after they had a chance to think on things. We decided to stay home from church today. Partly because I didn't think I could handle being around a crowd of people right now. And while Kevin thought about taking the kids, I felt it best that we just spend the day together as a family. I had a feeling today was going to be the last somewhat "normal" day for quite a long time. We are starting to tell more people about the news and I know in coming days & weeks, we are going to be kept busy with many doctor appointments and who knows what else. I wanted one last day of calm before the storm. I wanted badly to just go back in time to about 2wks ago. I really tried to do my best today for the kids sake.

I am still on limited activity until Monday. Which has been SO hard for me!!! It was a beautiful day and I wanted nothing more than to get on my bike and ride for many miles just to get away from it all. But I couldn't. So I tried to make the best of it just resting while Kevin played games with the kids this morning. It was so sweet, at one point Erik went out to the kitchen to prepare a surprise for the girls. Yesterday, the kids spent some of their allowance money at walmart and he had bought some cookies. My sweet son made a pile of 3 of his cookies for each of his sisters and had a glass of milk for each of them then called them to the kitchen for their surprise. Made this momma so proud at how kind and considerate he was!!! It just brought tears to my eyes, it was so random of him and it seemed to make him so happy to share. Thank you Lord for this little ray of sunshine during such a dark time.

We had a gift card so we headed to Chili's for lunch with a friend. Figured it would be good to try to get out again. I felt a little better this time compared to yesterday. But I still could barely eat. As of even now tonight, I only ate half a chicken salad today and that was at Chili's. Every bite makes me nauseous. I noticed while we were out that Hannah is really clinging to me. She seems to be taking this the hardest out of the kids. I just cuddled her during lunch.

Once we got home she snuggled up to me, hugging my belly. She spent most of the afternoon laying there feeling the baby move. She ate a little bit for supper and shortly after that, she came over and buried her face on my belly and started weeping again. I felt helpless. I sat there once again just crying with her. She kept saying she hopes the baby doesn't die and that the doctors can fix the baby. Dear Jesus, what am I supposed to say?? I held her and wiped both our tears away and told her that the baby is still living. That we need to be thankful for that and all we can do is pray and take 1 day at a time. I reminded her that we don't know what the future holds or what may happen with the baby, but that we are grateful for each day the baby is with us. I said the baby knows when she is sitting there because all afternoon, the baby kept kicking at Hannahs hand or arm, reminding her that the baby loves her and can hear her. That made her smile.

All 3 girls spent about 2 hours together tonight cuddled up with me, all poking at my belly. They got such a laugh out of it because with each poke and prod, the baby would respond and move or kick back at them. Which makes this all the more difficult. The baby seems so "normal" and seems to respond to our movement and voices. I could tell it was hard for the girls to go to bed tonight. They said goodnight and went to their rooms, all to come out at different times, not saying a word but coming over and hugging or kissing my belly. This happened several times, but I would never turn them away. I want them to be able to love on the baby whenever or however they want.

Tomorrow is Monday. I admit I'm dreading being forced back into routine. I have no choice but to try to function and get through the week. I'm expecting a call from the specialist tomorrow or Tuesday with the amnio results. The twins are excited about tomorrow, which I'm thankful for. They are participating in the Optimistic Olympics, which is a track & field sort've thing for deaf & hard of hearing children through the IU 13. I think what they are most excited about is riding the school bus!! haha I guess for a homeschooler, riding a bus is a big deal. This is a big step for me, dropping them off with their therapist and letting them go for the day. I admit I'm a little nervous. I'm so used to doing everything with them. But I think this will be a neat experiance for them, being able to see many other children like them (hard of hearing & wearing hearing aids). And I know they have each other. I am going to send a camera with them to see if they want to capture any pics of their time away. Pray for their safety (and that I won't worry too much!!)

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