5 days overdue

This morning I had both the specialist and my OB appointments. The specialist and ultrasound was first. Noah was turned so we could see part of his face this week and it really looked like he was sucking his thumb, it was so cute!!

Noahs organs looked good and he didn't have any hydrops. They did say they noticed he has a bit more edema than last week (swelling on some of his skin). The doctor said he feels we really should consider inducing in the next few days. He has been one of the ones who said for awhile we shouldn't prolong things and just induce awhile ago. He said he was going to go call my OB and let him know his thoughts. I of course was in tears as I don't want to be forced to be induced.

We headed downstairs to go to my OB appt. We were surprisingly taken back right away. The OB came in and said he spoke with the specialist and that he indicated I should be admitted today to be induced. I said he didn't tell us that but stated we should consider it in the next few days. I once again started crying. He said he just had to go with the opinion of the specialist but that ultimately it is left up to us.

See my reasoning for not wanting to be induced is because being induced is so hard on your body as well as it's harder on the baby. Noah is already facing an uphill battle and I don't want to make things even more tougher on him. Not only that, but when you force your body into something that it's not ready to do, you run the risk of other complications or even having to have a c-section. I just don't want to make what is already a difficult situation even tougher. I've had a c-section before, I've also been induced and I also went into labor on my own which was the by far the best out of all 3 experiances I've had.

I explained all this to the doctor and said that those ae my main reasons for wanting to give my body a few more days, not because I am trying to prolong things for Noah. He totally understood and said what we already put in place earlier this week seemed reasonable. So we went ahead and had him check my cervix, I'm 2cms now and he could almost stretch me to 3cm. He stripped my membranes also.

After we got home, the kids and I walked to a somewhat nearby farm to get corn. It was both for something to do as well as get me walking in hopes it would help things along. I'm just really struggling today. I still feel like this is all just a bad dream that I'll wake up from. I just can't seem to wrap my head around what the doctors tell me, that my baby is going to die. I admit I find myself still questioning God at times.....why ME?!?! After all we've been through the last couple of years, through no fault of our own, why are we yet again being put through another trial. I know deep down there IS a purpose for all this and that our situation is being used for a specific reason and maybe someday I'll be able to look back and see why, but it doesn't make it any easier for me right now. Right now I'm hurt, depressed, upset, anxious, scared, you name it, I'm feeling it.

God has already done a miracle in Noah's life by bringing him this far for a reason. I ask that you please pray that I could go into labor on my own this weekend, before I have to go back to the OB and once again be told to induce. Just continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers because right now, that is what is holding me up through this.